Dear reader, I wish to educate you on the Internet, to help you get the basics right. Here goes.
When I was in school, the term Information Superhighway described the Internet. Then, the Internet was just a cute little baby, with long, endless pages of text and grey backgrounds. Now, it's a mess.
Still, I try to convince people the Internet will improve their happiness one day. It will give them greater access to pleasure than a magazine does.
The Internet as a communication platform was invented in America, I guess. It is used worldwide. People come here to bitch and share stuff.
The Internet's transmission is made possible by a series of undersea cables, telegraph wires, tortoise shells.
But it is mostly used to access stuff and songs. The Internet was initially designed to gather the wisdom of mankind. But it turned out gathering the stupidity of mankind, creating a being never known before: the troll. It is well-known the Internet is over 99 per cent trash.
The Internet is made of four things, namely, the crust, the outer mantle, the inner mantle, and the core.
The crust makes up less than one per cent of the Internet's mass. It contains sites such as Facebook, Yahoo, Myspace. Sparsely inhabited, it is visited mostly by uncles, aunties, and old people.
Sites such as Second Life and most forums make up the outer mantle. Those without first life (no life) can be found on Second Life, a virtual world. This brings us to the definition of second life. Some call it a parallel world, some call it a game. That does not matter, because the only reason to join Second Life is to be an utter failure in the first. Also, recent research shows that it is much easier to do stuff by clicking a mouse than in the regular, physical way. Hence, Second Life appeals to lazy journalists, people (journalists are not people). Remember, reality is not a reality, game is not a game, Internet is not an Internet.
The inner mantle is made of molten corn. It's very hot in there. Do not attempt to go there.
No one knows the core.
It is widely believed to be a dangerous place, with thousands of drug dealers from the Deep Web markets.
The great Google has dared not index any of these. The core resembles a mysterious ball. I know this sounds biblical, but scientists have come to accept it as a decent explanation.
Unfortunately, the only reliable source on the creation of the Internet is Spaceboy, a troll. He tells me: "In the beginning, the data was a formless void. I floated above it and shouted, 'Let there be Internet!'" Critics maintain this is nonsense.
They claim the Internet was invented for young men to let off steam, thereby preventing them from roaming the streets at night and causing trouble.
Now, let's come to the Internet's technology, which is widely misunderstood. Those older than 70 believe the Internet is run by pigeons who fly notes (data packets). This is a misconception, but with some truth in it. In Afghanistan, the Internet is still maintained by a large number of trained pigeons.
And, oh, I forgot to mention the Nigerian widow, who presides over the Internet basement. She is Internet's most prominent and respected figure. The widow of a murdered corrupt politician, she has decades of black money in Swiss accounts, and reaches you via email. She wants to escape the corruption and confusion there, but needs your financial help to deal with the customs staff, corrupt officials, and key persons. Bonus: You can view her pictures on Facebook.
When I was in school, the term Information Superhighway described the Internet. Then, the Internet was just a cute little baby, with long, endless pages of text and grey backgrounds. Now, it's a mess.
Still, I try to convince people the Internet will improve their happiness one day. It will give them greater access to pleasure than a magazine does.
The Internet as a communication platform was invented in America, I guess. It is used worldwide. People come here to bitch and share stuff.
The Internet's transmission is made possible by a series of undersea cables, telegraph wires, tortoise shells.
But it is mostly used to access stuff and songs. The Internet was initially designed to gather the wisdom of mankind. But it turned out gathering the stupidity of mankind, creating a being never known before: the troll. It is well-known the Internet is over 99 per cent trash.
The Internet is made of four things, namely, the crust, the outer mantle, the inner mantle, and the core.
The crust makes up less than one per cent of the Internet's mass. It contains sites such as Facebook, Yahoo, Myspace. Sparsely inhabited, it is visited mostly by uncles, aunties, and old people.
Sites such as Second Life and most forums make up the outer mantle. Those without first life (no life) can be found on Second Life, a virtual world. This brings us to the definition of second life. Some call it a parallel world, some call it a game. That does not matter, because the only reason to join Second Life is to be an utter failure in the first. Also, recent research shows that it is much easier to do stuff by clicking a mouse than in the regular, physical way. Hence, Second Life appeals to lazy journalists, people (journalists are not people). Remember, reality is not a reality, game is not a game, Internet is not an Internet.
The inner mantle is made of molten corn. It's very hot in there. Do not attempt to go there.
No one knows the core.
It is widely believed to be a dangerous place, with thousands of drug dealers from the Deep Web markets.
The great Google has dared not index any of these. The core resembles a mysterious ball. I know this sounds biblical, but scientists have come to accept it as a decent explanation.
Unfortunately, the only reliable source on the creation of the Internet is Spaceboy, a troll. He tells me: "In the beginning, the data was a formless void. I floated above it and shouted, 'Let there be Internet!'" Critics maintain this is nonsense.
They claim the Internet was invented for young men to let off steam, thereby preventing them from roaming the streets at night and causing trouble.
Now, let's come to the Internet's technology, which is widely misunderstood. Those older than 70 believe the Internet is run by pigeons who fly notes (data packets). This is a misconception, but with some truth in it. In Afghanistan, the Internet is still maintained by a large number of trained pigeons.
And, oh, I forgot to mention the Nigerian widow, who presides over the Internet basement. She is Internet's most prominent and respected figure. The widow of a murdered corrupt politician, she has decades of black money in Swiss accounts, and reaches you via email. She wants to escape the corruption and confusion there, but needs your financial help to deal with the customs staff, corrupt officials, and key persons. Bonus: You can view her pictures on Facebook.