 "All at sea")
Now that India has managed to build its first aircraft carrier, INS Vikrant, there are talks in certain circles of building another humongous structure of a similar kind. Wags are already naming it the INS Vidhividaan, the prefix standing not for the normal Indian Naval Ship, but Indian National System. For the edifice, to be built on a scale larger than the Commonwealth Games and 2G auction put together, will be a showcase of how our national system works - and it will replace a vehicle that was created by a bunch of do-gooders way back in the 1940s but which now lies in a shambles.
The project is hush-hush, so details are hard to come by. But having placed 4GB cameras cleverly disguised as bundles of currency notes in the blueprint library, we have been able to supplement our meagre information about the whole affair.
Its name, as we have mentioned, has been decided, more or less, unless they revert to the antiquated nomenclature guidelines, in which case the proposal is to call it the Pradhan Mantri Aur Mantriyo Aur Sansado Yantra Yojana, or PMAMASYJ in short. Others had wanted to add "Mahatma Gandhi" to it, but the brighter lot pointed out that it would be demeaning to the mantris and sansads to have someone who had never even been an MP get the same star billing as them.
Leaving INS Vikrant far behind in its capabilities, the new carrier envisages landing room for 540 high-fliers. It is designed to sail ahead at knotty speeds. However slow such speeds may be, for a craft of its size, it is expected that it will stall more and advance less. Taking this contingency into account, they have built a special receptacle that will store tax-payers' bread as extra fuel.
Despite their best efforts, they have not been able to find a way to bring down the temperature of the carrier when it is in full motion. Experience has shown that high-fliers puff up and generate a lot of hot air, thus leading to some chatter about it being an "air carrier" and not an "aircraft carrier". Computer tests have extrapolated inputs from TV networks and come up with the possibility that the generation of hot air will reach new highs after 2014 since the cooling effect of big particles will have dissipated, it is believed, and smaller, but hotter, particles will predominate.
Like the INS Vikrant, special, extra-strength metal will be deployed in the fabrication of the craft. There are two major reason why it is believed that sandstone, the traditional material of choice, has outlived its usefulness. First, the superstructure of the craft has to be designed with special alloys since it has to resist the load of corrosive material that will sweep through its interiors. Extensive research has shown that while earlier, there were acerbic stuff flung within the walls, these were quietly neutralised by the anodynes of politeness, wit and good humour. Nowadays, the research shows, abrasive is met by acerbic by acrid by caustic, causing severe erosion in the chamber's integrity. Secondly, the risk perception is high since, as a fortuitous recent event showed, high-fliers are often forced to wrestle within even as enemies are at the door. High-fliers are required by new norms to spit fire at each other over questions like whether the hostile frenemies really intended to smash the door down or whether they were there just to extend an invitation to a fancy-dress competition.
The project may take a long time for completion, but there is no concern about whether it takes 66 years or more. And apparently the bids for construction are being decided even before quotations have been invited. Watch this space for more news.
Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities
joel.rai@bsmail.in
The project is hush-hush, so details are hard to come by. But having placed 4GB cameras cleverly disguised as bundles of currency notes in the blueprint library, we have been able to supplement our meagre information about the whole affair.
Its name, as we have mentioned, has been decided, more or less, unless they revert to the antiquated nomenclature guidelines, in which case the proposal is to call it the Pradhan Mantri Aur Mantriyo Aur Sansado Yantra Yojana, or PMAMASYJ in short. Others had wanted to add "Mahatma Gandhi" to it, but the brighter lot pointed out that it would be demeaning to the mantris and sansads to have someone who had never even been an MP get the same star billing as them.
Leaving INS Vikrant far behind in its capabilities, the new carrier envisages landing room for 540 high-fliers. It is designed to sail ahead at knotty speeds. However slow such speeds may be, for a craft of its size, it is expected that it will stall more and advance less. Taking this contingency into account, they have built a special receptacle that will store tax-payers' bread as extra fuel.
Despite their best efforts, they have not been able to find a way to bring down the temperature of the carrier when it is in full motion. Experience has shown that high-fliers puff up and generate a lot of hot air, thus leading to some chatter about it being an "air carrier" and not an "aircraft carrier". Computer tests have extrapolated inputs from TV networks and come up with the possibility that the generation of hot air will reach new highs after 2014 since the cooling effect of big particles will have dissipated, it is believed, and smaller, but hotter, particles will predominate.
Like the INS Vikrant, special, extra-strength metal will be deployed in the fabrication of the craft. There are two major reason why it is believed that sandstone, the traditional material of choice, has outlived its usefulness. First, the superstructure of the craft has to be designed with special alloys since it has to resist the load of corrosive material that will sweep through its interiors. Extensive research has shown that while earlier, there were acerbic stuff flung within the walls, these were quietly neutralised by the anodynes of politeness, wit and good humour. Nowadays, the research shows, abrasive is met by acerbic by acrid by caustic, causing severe erosion in the chamber's integrity. Secondly, the risk perception is high since, as a fortuitous recent event showed, high-fliers are often forced to wrestle within even as enemies are at the door. High-fliers are required by new norms to spit fire at each other over questions like whether the hostile frenemies really intended to smash the door down or whether they were there just to extend an invitation to a fancy-dress competition.
The project may take a long time for completion, but there is no concern about whether it takes 66 years or more. And apparently the bids for construction are being decided even before quotations have been invited. Watch this space for more news.
Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities
joel.rai@bsmail.in