 "All work, all weak")
So there was this group of highly placed bureaucrats who had been tasked with determining whether the government should enforce a five-day week culture in all working establishments of the country. The group slouched into the conference room, looking much like Bhadralok Bengalis who I saw trooping out of the cinema hall, their souls seared by the antics of their beloved Byomkesh Bakshi in his modern day incarnation. Their slumped shoulders were a metaphor for the seven-day burden they bore every week in valiantly seeking to implement the politicians' policies. Of course, on paper they were required to work from Monday to Friday, but the email and mobile phone warped the steel frame easily enough through the Saturdays and Sundays. If each one in the group was to give his personal opinion, a five-day week would be immediately recommended. But then, they wouldn't be true to the hypocratic oath if they didn't hold at least a year's worth of meetings to come to this conclusion, would they?
"Is there any reason why we shouldn't have a five-day work week?" This was the member-secretary presiding over the meeting in the absence of the chairman as well as the two vice-chairs.
"Well, actually I would like to propose that our country should adopt a four-day work week," ventured one babu from the health and family planning ministry.
"And why is that?" asked the presiding officer.
"Well, it makes perfect sense," the white-clad official replied as the stenographer frantically recorded the minutes. "See, haven't our leaders made it clear that it is our patriotic duty as Hindustanis to procreate and establish families that have four children … at least four children? Now, can you imagine the plight of fathers and mothers who have to work six days for their employees while taking care of four or more children all at the same time? Imagine the stress they will be under! One day of rest is just not enough. And when will they get the time to teach their children of the glorious culture of our country? I say we have a four-day, or even a three-day work week."
"But that is preposterous!" interjected another. He was dressed in corporate style jacket and tie and had a cushy room at Udyog Bhavan.
"Can you explain?" the presiding office wanted the discussion to be quick so he could go home and take his wife out to see Detective Byomkesh Bakshy! before the prime minister returned from his foreign trip.
"Hasn't the prime minister emphasised that our country's future lies in making in India? And when will you make in India if all of India is holidaying two or three days in a week?" Obviously, this claim that more working days meant higher productivity touched a chord and a few heads nodded in unison. Perhaps they were unaware of international research that showed a five-day week actually reduced absenteeism, increased productivity, improved work satisfaction, slashed operation costs and reduced employee turnover. But then who says committees pay heed to such things?
Another voice, patriotically confident, spoke up. "The facts are straight. The West adopted a five-day week and ever since their GDP has hardly gone beyond 3 per cent. Clearly, we need a seven-day week to take our GDP from 7 per cent to 10?"
An official from the culture ministry then threw this in: "Also remember that Sunday is a Christian holiday and a Saturday break is a Jewish requirement. Taking these two days off is clearly not Bharatiya sanskar."
Last heard, the committee was toying with the idea of asking the government to add one more day to the Indian week and make it compulsory for all Indians to work eight days a week.
"Is there any reason why we shouldn't have a five-day work week?" This was the member-secretary presiding over the meeting in the absence of the chairman as well as the two vice-chairs.
"Well, actually I would like to propose that our country should adopt a four-day work week," ventured one babu from the health and family planning ministry.
"And why is that?" asked the presiding officer.
"Well, it makes perfect sense," the white-clad official replied as the stenographer frantically recorded the minutes. "See, haven't our leaders made it clear that it is our patriotic duty as Hindustanis to procreate and establish families that have four children … at least four children? Now, can you imagine the plight of fathers and mothers who have to work six days for their employees while taking care of four or more children all at the same time? Imagine the stress they will be under! One day of rest is just not enough. And when will they get the time to teach their children of the glorious culture of our country? I say we have a four-day, or even a three-day work week."
"But that is preposterous!" interjected another. He was dressed in corporate style jacket and tie and had a cushy room at Udyog Bhavan.
"Can you explain?" the presiding office wanted the discussion to be quick so he could go home and take his wife out to see Detective Byomkesh Bakshy! before the prime minister returned from his foreign trip.
"Hasn't the prime minister emphasised that our country's future lies in making in India? And when will you make in India if all of India is holidaying two or three days in a week?" Obviously, this claim that more working days meant higher productivity touched a chord and a few heads nodded in unison. Perhaps they were unaware of international research that showed a five-day week actually reduced absenteeism, increased productivity, improved work satisfaction, slashed operation costs and reduced employee turnover. But then who says committees pay heed to such things?
Another voice, patriotically confident, spoke up. "The facts are straight. The West adopted a five-day week and ever since their GDP has hardly gone beyond 3 per cent. Clearly, we need a seven-day week to take our GDP from 7 per cent to 10?"
An official from the culture ministry then threw this in: "Also remember that Sunday is a Christian holiday and a Saturday break is a Jewish requirement. Taking these two days off is clearly not Bharatiya sanskar."
Last heard, the committee was toying with the idea of asking the government to add one more day to the Indian week and make it compulsory for all Indians to work eight days a week.
Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities
joel.rai@bsmail.in
joel.rai@bsmail.in