Britain votes for Big Brother

TELLY VISION

Quick, how do you start a conversation with new people, colleagues or anybody for that matter in an alien land? Pretty simple "" first, junk all the guides, maps and books on London.

Then, grab a cup of warm coffee and dash into your room where an old 'Made in Finland' idiot box stares at you. Switch it on, start watching, and within 30 minutes you'll know for sure what London is talking about.

This is exactly what I did when a) family and friends warned me not to get out too late at night in London city, and b) I was eager to start a conversation with some soul in a new country. While my Indian idiot box has earned a much-needed break, it was an old TV set "" minus the remote control, in case that interests you ""in a Youth Hostel room in London that showed me what Londoners had been watching.

And here's the verdict. London television dons its reality mantle rather easily "" what with shows on people trying to lose weight, women getting makeovers way past their menopausal age and people coping with divorces.

Cameras often zoom in to track women who want to adopt children or even well-known rock musician Gene Simmons who goes back to different public and private schools to make rock stars of notorious teenagers who are anything but smitten by him.

But what the city is largely doing is celebrating, debating, discussing, lecturing, and essentially closely following the success of a young girl named Chantelle from Essex. The winner of a reality show called Celebrity Big Brother, most glossies and tabloids have crowned her as London's very own Paris Hilton "" or at least a poor man's Hilton.

What's more, in Essex a road has been named after her, apparently a perfume will soon be launched in her name, she is doing exclusive photo shoots for lifestyle magazines. Local surveys are predictably calling her the "next-big-thing" and betting that by the end of 2006 she will safely make £1 million as she readies to model for clothes, shoes, bags and what have you.

In other words, while Chantelle gets ready for her life in the fast lane, people continue to discuss her everywhere; inside tube stations, outside bus stops, in pubs, cafes, shopping malls, supermarket stores and every street of London that you can think of.

The format of Celebrity Big Brother aired on Channel 4, from what I saw, was fairly simple. It was about a group of individuals coming together to live under the same roof with all their movements being scrutinised under the public eye, courtesy CCTV cameras that were placed everywhere, in the bedrooms, living room, dining room and every other place that one could possibly think of.

Week by week, contestants, or housemates as they were called, were eliminated "" these included a transvestite, a local singer besides a politician, George Gallaway, who according to most tabloids committed hara-kiri by joining this programme "" and the favourite, Chantelle, emerged as the winner from audience polls.

The programme has already announced auditions for its next season, and soon London will be preparing for another season of Celebrity Big Brother. Clearly, they won't be running out of things to talk about anytime soon.