Mallika Sherawat, she who is trying to find gold at the end of a beau on reality TV, may think she is the only bomb around, but there is an armoury full of pyros out there. Ironical, since things have changed drastically since Diwali meant going out on the street outside the house and bursting a myriad bombs. Now, children are on the streets on Diwali bursting the bubbles of Sivakasi's folks. Since traditional firecrackers have lost much cachet in these days of environmental correctness, the fire-and-brimstone industry has come up with some novel products this year.
Pyaaz bomb: Remember those packets of decibel called the "lahsun bomb", which, for their size, made an incredible amount of noise? Well, the new bomb retains the Allium family name, but the species has changed from the garlic to the onion. The first of the new type only brought tears to the eyes. But the latest variety not only creates a horrendous din in political ranks, but also rips apart family budgets and a hundred recipes. Also known as "Chef's Ransom" for its price.
Ishant bomb: This one looks innocuous, if a bit taller than most crackers. But it is very deceptive. It comes in the guise of the destroyer, but eventually turns out to be a counter-destroyer. For some time, it burns like a normal firecracker, until it suddenly takes on a maverick life of its own. Then you have to run for cover, for it sends its sparks flying over the boundaries in all direction. Also known as "Captain's Woe".
Charkhi: You know this as the small wheel that rotates on the ground with a lot of sparks. Called Catherine Wheel in English after St Catherine, a Christian martyr who was tortured on a wheel, it has now got a new name - Ajit Jogi Wheel. This piece of firework turns furiously around in circles, hissing angrily in a shower of fiery flames. Then just when you think there is going to be a huge bang, it simply fizzles out in a sorry trail of smoke and ash.
Sadhu bomb: This is the newest in the list of bombs. First, they don't look like bombs. They actually look like venerable stuff you would keep in your family mandir. But don't be fooled. Put them to the stiffest tests of pyro mechanics, and they will exhibit all the potency of the deadliest bombs around. Sometimes, the packet in which they come also include smaller child bombs as a bonus. Caution: girls should avoid being in the vicinity of these bombs.
Bright Spark: Now increasingly being called the Nonsense bomb, this one requires careful handling. First it takes an inordinately long time to light. In fact, it takes 206 Congressmen to "prime" it. Even after it is put alight, it can prove temperamental, refusing to burst into flames or remaining dormant or only sparking irregularly (because of this quality it is called Bright Spark in a spirit of Diwali irony). But don't veer too close if it doesn't show signs of life. It can come to fiery life without warning and singe you badly. Also known as "Rahul Dhamaka".
Rocket bomb: The perennial favourite of all Diwali revellers, this, of course, is the one that arches sharply into the night sky in a blaze of scintillation. Now marketed under the NaMo brand, it almost resembles the earlier Cock brand in its strutting. It is self-lit and ascends rapidly into the upper reaches with an adulatory screech that actually sounds like 85-year-old men whining. Many people love to see it burst into a self-destructive fireball as it reaches the height of its flight.
Disclaimer: As with all fireworks, please be warned that there will be plenty of duds in the packets. In fact, you would do well not to buy "The Damp Squib", the cracker sold under the UPA brand.
Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities joel.rai@bsmail.in
Pyaaz bomb: Remember those packets of decibel called the "lahsun bomb", which, for their size, made an incredible amount of noise? Well, the new bomb retains the Allium family name, but the species has changed from the garlic to the onion. The first of the new type only brought tears to the eyes. But the latest variety not only creates a horrendous din in political ranks, but also rips apart family budgets and a hundred recipes. Also known as "Chef's Ransom" for its price.
Ishant bomb: This one looks innocuous, if a bit taller than most crackers. But it is very deceptive. It comes in the guise of the destroyer, but eventually turns out to be a counter-destroyer. For some time, it burns like a normal firecracker, until it suddenly takes on a maverick life of its own. Then you have to run for cover, for it sends its sparks flying over the boundaries in all direction. Also known as "Captain's Woe".
Charkhi: You know this as the small wheel that rotates on the ground with a lot of sparks. Called Catherine Wheel in English after St Catherine, a Christian martyr who was tortured on a wheel, it has now got a new name - Ajit Jogi Wheel. This piece of firework turns furiously around in circles, hissing angrily in a shower of fiery flames. Then just when you think there is going to be a huge bang, it simply fizzles out in a sorry trail of smoke and ash.
Sadhu bomb: This is the newest in the list of bombs. First, they don't look like bombs. They actually look like venerable stuff you would keep in your family mandir. But don't be fooled. Put them to the stiffest tests of pyro mechanics, and they will exhibit all the potency of the deadliest bombs around. Sometimes, the packet in which they come also include smaller child bombs as a bonus. Caution: girls should avoid being in the vicinity of these bombs.
Bright Spark: Now increasingly being called the Nonsense bomb, this one requires careful handling. First it takes an inordinately long time to light. In fact, it takes 206 Congressmen to "prime" it. Even after it is put alight, it can prove temperamental, refusing to burst into flames or remaining dormant or only sparking irregularly (because of this quality it is called Bright Spark in a spirit of Diwali irony). But don't veer too close if it doesn't show signs of life. It can come to fiery life without warning and singe you badly. Also known as "Rahul Dhamaka".
Rocket bomb: The perennial favourite of all Diwali revellers, this, of course, is the one that arches sharply into the night sky in a blaze of scintillation. Now marketed under the NaMo brand, it almost resembles the earlier Cock brand in its strutting. It is self-lit and ascends rapidly into the upper reaches with an adulatory screech that actually sounds like 85-year-old men whining. Many people love to see it burst into a self-destructive fireball as it reaches the height of its flight.
Disclaimer: As with all fireworks, please be warned that there will be plenty of duds in the packets. In fact, you would do well not to buy "The Damp Squib", the cracker sold under the UPA brand.
Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities joel.rai@bsmail.in