The next device from Apple should be called iFad.
This week, the faithful were finally rewarded for their patience. After much trial and tribulation, the summit was attained. The great leader had announced his vision, his diligent minions scurried to make it happen, and it all came to splendid fruition this week. It’s too bad that Obama and the health-care brouhaha took up so much media air-time, because it detracted from what should have been the showpiece event of the year — Apple’s launch of the iPad.
Not since Moses wore out his Birkenstocks on Mt Sinai has a tablet been the subject of so much anticipation. And with all due respect to the old man, the iPad is better — not least because it was launched by God himself, without any emissary to take the gloss off its divine aura. The heretics have been making tasteless jokes about feminine hygiene products, but the true faithful know that it is only a matter of time before they too will see the light. Steve Jobs has been man enough to take these jokes in his stride, even managing to laugh at some of them. An Apple press release mentioned that he’s been guffawing all the way to the bank.
So what exactly is the iPad? It looks like a rather large iPhone, and it seems to be precisely that — a larger version of the iPhone, which can do everything that the iPhone can, and a little more besides. Of course, it cannot make phone calls, but then the iPhone couldn’t really do that either. For the Apple faithful, however, the question of what it can do is beside the point. The only fact that matters is that it exists, and that it is on sale, and they will buy it. I was at the downtown Apple store to watch the momentous event, simply because it is a wonderful place to be whenever a new product is launched to witness first hand the true nature of the human spirit. Until you have watched the unwashed hordes climb over one another for the privilege of forking over wads of cash for a device they don’t need, you have not understood what it means to be human and frail.
There was the usual line of people stretching out the door when I got there. It was clear many of them had been standing in line for hours, perhaps even overnight. I spoke to a few of them, and was surprised to find that they were all freelance graphics designers. I guess being merely unemployed isn’t fashionable any more. One young man with wind-blown hair told me that he was looking forward to getting his iPad, because he would be able to do so much more. When pressed on exactly what he could do that he couldn’t with his iPhone, iTouch, iFeel or iPay, he seemed unsure. Finally, he brightened up and said, “I think this will be an awesome device for doodling. Can’t really doodle on an iPhone.” So there you have it — the killer app for the iPad. Doodling.
I did finally get a look at the coveted device. It is a beautiful piece of work; shiny and gleaming every bit like the seductive high-tech temptation that it is. I’m saving up to get one, and my desire to doodle increases by the hour. I don’t know what the next device from Apple is going to be called, but I think they should call it the iFad.
(Papi Menon is a writer and technologist based in San Francisco)