Neither you know, nor I

MARQUEE

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You'll see it on DVD covers abroad, on websites such as the Internet Movie Database "" and also in books about Hindi cinema, targeted at foreign readers.

Reading one such book, I found that the above translation is fairly representative, for there were many such examples scattered through the text.

Each time a film was mentioned, an all-too-literal English version of the title was included in parentheses, along with the date of release, e.g. Pyaasa ( "Thirsty", 1957) or Kabhi Kabhie ("Sometimes", 1976). The interesting thing is that most of these were direct translations, completely bereft of any dramatic weight or attempt at elucidation. Consider just a few examples:

Parvarish ("Nurture")
Mard ("Man")
Trishul ("Trident")
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai ("Something or Other is Happening")
Kaho Na Pyaar Hai ("Say That There is Love")
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani ("Still the Heart Remains Indian")

Exactly which viewers is this literalism aimed at? People who understand Hindi won't need the translations in the first place (except possibly for comic relief) and those who don't know Hindi...well, what exactly will they gather about the film from the above titles?

It's no secret that the original Hindi titles of Bollywood movies have been getting increasingly moronic anyway "" the stultifying trend these days being that of names based on songs featured in earlier movies, which has resulted in one big incestuous mess: a new Abhishek Bachchan film derives its title from a song in a Hrithik Roshan movie, which in turn was named after a song in a Shah Rukh Khan movie.

How do even the most avid Bollywood buffs tell these films apart? Surely recall value will approach zilch when one looks back at these movies 10 years from now, assuming Bollywood (and we) is still around.

Anyway, I think publicists for these films abroad should take the opportunity to make translated titles more meaningful "" and more lasting.

A few years ago, while copy-editing articles for an encyclopaedia on Indian cinema, I discovered to my delight that the Amitabh Bachchan classic Deewaar has been distributed overseas under the title "I'll Die For Mama!" (It made me think of the James Cagney melodrama White Heat, with its climactic scream of "Made it, ma! Made it to the top of the world!" "" an appropriate analogy, considering that Deewaar ends with Amitabh dying soulfully in his mother's arms.)

Now in one sense, "I'll Die For Mama!" is a self-evidently silly title, one that contributes to the caricaturing of a film that is quieter and maturer than its reputation (as a compendium of cliched dialogues about sibling one-upmanship and mother-love) suggests. But at least this title is more inventive and to the point than the sterile, frequently used "Wall" (not even "The Wall"), which tells you nothing at all about the movie.

So, suggestions please: what should Na Tum Jaano Na Hum really translate into on the foreign cassette cover? I'm not playing this game myself: I suggested "Soggy Joint Family Mess" for Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham (in place of "Sometimes Happiness, Sometimes Sadness") but it was rejected.

P.S. Taglines/appendages to the main title, though often criticised, are important too. If it weren't for Cheeni Kum clarifying itself with the add-on "A sugar-free romance", I would have thought the film was a patriotic venture about the population decrease in China (and hence, India's chances of reaching the top spot by 2015).

(jaiarjun@gmail.com)