Save the lip balm for another journey

PERIPATETIC

I AM NOT being allowed to carry my lip balm on board," my sister whined as she got ready to board her flight from Heathrow to Mumbai, knowing my reaction would be one of empathy.

In the hysteria that followed the revelations that terrorists planned to blow up planes using liquid explosives hidden in carry-on luggage, airport security suddenly decided their most perilous adversary was every liquid and gel in passenger hand luggage, in every conceivable colour, scent and consistency. First it was the shoes that were checked for plastic explosives, now its lip balm, moisturiser and deodorant. Even water.

But it's the innocuous lip balm that has sparked off the most contention. The World Wide Web, as I discovered, is teeming with diatribes from compulsive lippies like me, who announce that given that this is a security measure, dry lips make them unsafe, not to mention frustrated and annoyed.

On a website that urges frequent lip balm usage at high altitudes, a response from a desperate passenger indicates she's going to attempt to fill her ears up with the stuff. CNN, meanwhile, reported that a woman embarking on an 18-hour flight sneaked her lip salve on the plane in a candy bar wrapper.

Actually, coming to think of it, this could spark off a tremendously profitable additional revenue stream for airlines that are struggling to stay in the black. Step One: confiscate all items otherwise deemed necessary by travellers.

Then, allow defenseless passengers to go cold turkey at 40,000 feet. After, send out an attractive steward(ess) to go around with a trolley packed with all those items previously deemed illicit, only this time marked at inflated prices. Passengers will turn into kids in a candy store... A windfall!

Hand baggage is almost an unpleasant word today. Air tickets come with tedious text on the dos and don'ts of hand luggage. Duty free retailers are reporting a hit on their sales because passengers are deciding they can very well do without that bottle of premium scotch.

It's a fine line that separates counteracting threat from breeding paranoia. One man's prejudice today has the power to transfer anxiety to a hundred others, abort a flight and get people arrested. Let's face it: if you're flying today, there are some things that just won't work in your favour.

First up an "East Asian" (do they mean West Asian?) face. Next, an ill-fitting long leather coat. (Recently, a group of passengers refused to board a Monarch Airlines flight until two men of "East Asian" appearance dressed in "long leather coats" were removed). Never appear fidgety or nervous, even if you're petrified of air travel.

A Northwest Airlines flight from Amsterdam to Mumbai was forced to land (but not before being chaperoned by fighter jets) after the passengers and crew observed 12 Asian men behaving suspiciously.

Once you've neutralised your appearance, rid yourself of the more mundane miscreants "" deodorants, toothpaste, Gatorade... A friend is suggesting tooth cavity searches.

But seriously, for me, there's nothing more unnerving than having chapped lips. Far more unnerving that sitting next to an East Asian man in a leather jacket.

Armchair travel, under present circumstances, never seemed so appealing.