Southie accents rule, but old is gold

TELLY VISION

Women can multi-task," she said, playing coyly with a strand of her coloured hair. "Yeah...", she added and looked approvingly at her manicured nails, "...that's one thing men can't do."

As flop actor Tanissha, fresh from the debacle of Neal & Nikki, garbled words of wisdom on womankind while sitting fetchingly on a table (chairs are obviously passe for interviews on television) in a micro-mini and a bikini top, male anchors Ash Chandler and Vrajesh Hirjee, looked on "" charmingly, lecherously, longingly, dreamily, desperately, devotedly, dementedly, psychotically, madly, excitedly, foolishly. Naturally.

The programme, as I learnt later, was The Man's World Show, and the two jokers were only trying to "make mankind understand womankind better" by posing what they thought were the "right questions to women".

A sample: Hirjee (fixing his gaze on Tanishha's cleavage) "What do you think men want in a woman?" Tanissha (lifting his chin to her face and purring and gesticulating) "...that the girl should be sweet, nice, charming and basically a good person from within."

Oh, really?
It seems Tanissha and Tanushree Dutta (Don't remember her? Never mind) had shared their script before dashing to the studios for these interviews. Dutta doll, a former beauty queen desperately wanting to sport an actor tag, was on Lola TV, a fabulous show on Channel V where the interviewee Ms Lola, in her Kanjeevaram and exaggerated south Indian accent asked her a tough question.

"Soou, witha sacha heictic schhedool, you madnaze time faar yooourseldf?" she drooled. Considering Dutta doll hardly has any films in hand, leaving her with all the time in the world, she cooed as convincingly as she could, "Yeah! I manage time for my family...er, I manage."

"But haauv you madnaze?" blurted Lola, teasing her even more. Dutta (smiling graciously and shifting uncomfortably in her chair): "Oh, y'know, you can, if you are good at time management." Or if you actually have all the time in the world, we would say.

Meanwhile, Tulsi on Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi has all the time in hand to decide whether she wants to get rid of her saas (mother-in-law) finally. The mother-in-law is begging her daughter-in-law to kill her.

"Main marna chahti hoon, mujhe maar dalo (I want to die, kill me)," she whimpered while a young doctor, who looked as if she had just walked out of a beauty salon into a hospital, gave her an injection that "will put her to sleep but not ease her pain".

The mother-in-law's death scene will obviously be determined by the number of days and weeks that TRPs can be sustained through this death trap.

Thankfully, one serial that doesn't rely on TRPs, special screen effects and what have you is good ol' Buniyaad. The classic 1980s serial from the house of Sippy productions, which is being re-telecast by Sahara One, is a treat to watch.

A family drama set during Partition, Buniyaad looks at the romance of two characters, Masterji and Lajoji, over the years, their children, grandchildren and the ordeals and triumphs that they witness.

Truly, Buniyaad is a serial that has stood the test of time. Ekkta Kapoor, try plotting even a fraction of a similar tale and we'll forgive you for all the mindless sagas that you continue to dump on us.