A self-styled dating consultant, Vicky Kalwani helps Mumbai’s men succeed with the opposite sex.
Back in 1975, Basu Chatterjee made a film called Chhoti Si Baat. A failed lover, played by Amol Palekar, trudges to a remote bungalow in Khandala, seeking Colonel Julius Nagendranath Wilfred Singh, a confidence coach. As he evaluates the diffident, fidgety Amol Palekar, Col. Julius puffs on his pipe and mumbles his diagnosis to a buxom secretary: “Defective verbal communication”, “Improper conditioning”, “Special courtship pattern training” and, my favourite, “Unstable paranoid frustration”. Needless to say, his rough teaching style soon has Amol Palekar get some, err, spine, and the movie’s a happily-ever-after.
Thirty-five years later, Vicky Kalwani, self-appointed dating consultant, is teaching boys as old as 45 the art of being a smooth operator. Vicky’s “exclusive personality, matchmaking and lifestyle coaching program for bachelors in Mumbai” offers clients a choice of three courses of varying duration, content and price.
But what’s it all about?
“These men need to build confidence, to groom themselves well, and then the rest follows naturally,” says Kalwani. “If you want to get to know a girl, start small. Ask if she likes the book she’s reading. Would she recommend the coffee she’s drinking? Pay her a compliment. If a guy tells you he likes your shoes, he’s not commenting on your style. He’s not a fashion guru. He just likes you.”
Seems logical, and the experts have it down to a science, including the jargon Kalwani deconstructs. For example, if you have approach anxiety, try to keep it casual while at the same time ensuring you DHV (demonstrate higher value). So she won’t take you for granted, slip in an FTC (false time constraint) which suggests you need to be elsewhere but are just casually stopping to talk. Flit between IoIs and IoDs (indicators of interest and disinterest) to keep her guessing. Follow the kino-escalation ladder, moving from attention to attraction to comfort and so on, so that by the time you want to kiss her she’s physically prepared for intimacy with you. Even so, you will encounter some LMR (last-minute resistance) but that’s just a formality.
Vicky’s not in a remote bungalow in the Western Ghats; he’s in town, and you can email him at mumbailifestyle2010@gmail.com
Boys, there’s really no excuse for being single any longer.