 "The aam aadmi speaks")
The new chief minister of Delhi and his team need to take some quick decisions. But they can't decide these things themselves, can they? After all, they are in the Secretariat because the general populace wanted them there - the mohalla sabhas had given their ayes as had lakhs of SMS texts sent by the aam aadmi. So, in the spirit of full democracy, the people's government sends out questions, seeking responses from Delhi's teeming masses.
As the chief minister, now raring to go after his self-confessed bout with 'loose motions', discusses issues of governance with his ministers, attention is on the phone that will bring them the common man's opinion.
Bleep, bleep, bleep, the SMS notification sounds. The chief minister, eyes bright with anticipation, tightens the muffler around his ears, snatches his affordable smartphone and punches at the messaging button. The message is clear and unambiguous: " 20,000 litres of water free. More than that, full bill. Don't lose out. Install water meter, stop water overflowing from overhead tanks. Free installation. Contact: Jan Pani Company, mobile number +828702013".
Telemarketers, sighs the chief minister. He turns back to his colleagues, who are looking at him all agog. "Only an unsolicited SMS," he mumbles. Just then, there's another bleep on the affordable smartphone. Once again the chief minister grabs it, six pairs of bright eyes following the chief ministerial hand's hurried sweep through the air towards the device that bears a message from the aam aadmi.
"Water is cheap, power rates cut, autos will run by the meter. What will you do with the money you save? Invest in Janata Realty's new project Sec 102 Dwarka, Sec 160 Noida, Sec 205 GGN. Best location. 3BHK, 4BHK, 4BHK+study, 1350 sqft/1550 sqft/2400 sqft. Booking amount 20 per cent less. Additional bank loans arranged at competitive rates. Contact: 420420420."
Exasperation causes the chief minister's proud moustache to wilt a wee bit. Patience, patience, the lips murmur. The mufflered hero lifts his eyes and looks at his expectant colleagues. "Again, just a property ad," he says with little enthusiasm. His ministers understand. They get ready to discuss the health proposals of the new government. The chief minister begins, "So, free hospital beds now…" when he is disturbed by a bleep on the affordable smartphone. Less energetically, the chief ministerial limb moves towards the device and jabs at the message tab.
"Good news for the aam aadmi. AAP sarkar gives free medicines, and we offer cheap Sauna and Massage services. For complete health solution. Full body service, massage by model types, Swedish sauna, all rolled into one. For different packages and special prices, call Marad Aadmi Services at 1208015099."
The six pairs of eyes looking at the chief minister do not need to be told that it was yet another "pesky SMS" on the phone. They know the reality; despite having put the SIM card of the phone on the Do Not Disturb registry, they will continue getting dispatches from various sections of the aam janata.
Then the chief minister looks his ministers square in the eyes and intones, "You know, loose motion is one thing, but confidence motion is quite another. We have to keep facing confidence motions. Also, I don't know how much money Shiela Dikshitji has left behind for us to keep doling out as freebies. The future is unsure …"
As if on cue, the affordable smartphone lying on the wooden table goes bleep, bleep, bleep. The conqueror of loose motionsglances at the phone screen. "Worried about what lies ahead? Know your kundli. Contact Harsha Vardhana Jyotish, 2014-2-2019."
As the chief minister, now raring to go after his self-confessed bout with 'loose motions', discusses issues of governance with his ministers, attention is on the phone that will bring them the common man's opinion.
Bleep, bleep, bleep, the SMS notification sounds. The chief minister, eyes bright with anticipation, tightens the muffler around his ears, snatches his affordable smartphone and punches at the messaging button. The message is clear and unambiguous: " 20,000 litres of water free. More than that, full bill. Don't lose out. Install water meter, stop water overflowing from overhead tanks. Free installation. Contact: Jan Pani Company, mobile number +828702013".
Telemarketers, sighs the chief minister. He turns back to his colleagues, who are looking at him all agog. "Only an unsolicited SMS," he mumbles. Just then, there's another bleep on the affordable smartphone. Once again the chief minister grabs it, six pairs of bright eyes following the chief ministerial hand's hurried sweep through the air towards the device that bears a message from the aam aadmi.
"Water is cheap, power rates cut, autos will run by the meter. What will you do with the money you save? Invest in Janata Realty's new project Sec 102 Dwarka, Sec 160 Noida, Sec 205 GGN. Best location. 3BHK, 4BHK, 4BHK+study, 1350 sqft/1550 sqft/2400 sqft. Booking amount 20 per cent less. Additional bank loans arranged at competitive rates. Contact: 420420420."
Exasperation causes the chief minister's proud moustache to wilt a wee bit. Patience, patience, the lips murmur. The mufflered hero lifts his eyes and looks at his expectant colleagues. "Again, just a property ad," he says with little enthusiasm. His ministers understand. They get ready to discuss the health proposals of the new government. The chief minister begins, "So, free hospital beds now…" when he is disturbed by a bleep on the affordable smartphone. Less energetically, the chief ministerial limb moves towards the device and jabs at the message tab.
"Good news for the aam aadmi. AAP sarkar gives free medicines, and we offer cheap Sauna and Massage services. For complete health solution. Full body service, massage by model types, Swedish sauna, all rolled into one. For different packages and special prices, call Marad Aadmi Services at 1208015099."
The six pairs of eyes looking at the chief minister do not need to be told that it was yet another "pesky SMS" on the phone. They know the reality; despite having put the SIM card of the phone on the Do Not Disturb registry, they will continue getting dispatches from various sections of the aam janata.
Then the chief minister looks his ministers square in the eyes and intones, "You know, loose motion is one thing, but confidence motion is quite another. We have to keep facing confidence motions. Also, I don't know how much money Shiela Dikshitji has left behind for us to keep doling out as freebies. The future is unsure …"
As if on cue, the affordable smartphone lying on the wooden table goes bleep, bleep, bleep. The conqueror of loose motionsglances at the phone screen. "Worried about what lies ahead? Know your kundli. Contact Harsha Vardhana Jyotish, 2014-2-2019."
Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities
joel.rai@bsmail.in
joel.rai@bsmail.in