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The lost art of saying no

Golf sets, tennis racquets, squash shoes, all manner of branded stuff, mobile phones and strangely even cars are bought by parents for their children without a second thought

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Anjuli Bhargava
Last Updated : Oct 25 2014 | 12:05 AM IST
I have never regretted being born when I was born until now when I look around me. Never before have I seen parents so indulgent that even before a child opens his or her mouth to ask for something, it materialises like magic out of thin air.

What is going on? How come no one ever heard us when we begged for weeks for something we really wanted ? And as far as I recall, the answer back then was usually a standard no. That's why when on the rare occasion we heard a "yes", our heart sprang up in pure joy.

Well, I can tell you times have really changed because today's children are simply unused to hearing a no. They take most things for granted as a large number of parents - and many openly admit to this - find it very hard to say no to their progeny.

So even before Aryan can actually kick a ball with his ankle, he has the latest Nike studs available in town - never mind that they may cost anywhere upwards of Rs 5,000 (long gone are the days of Gola and Bata PT shoes, in case any of you is wondering). Even before Riya has shown any real or sustained interest in learning to play the piano, a new Linden upright or, at least, an electronic Kawasaki keyboard appears in the house. A friend's son had four guitars lying at home before the parents finally realised that "guitar was not really his scene". Golf sets, tennis racquets, squash shoes, all manner of branded stuff, mobile phones (even seven-year-olds have these now) and strangely even cars are bought by parents for their children these days almost without a second thought.

As and when a child makes a truly unreasonable request - like the latest iPhone or iPad or some kind of gadget which even the father is yet to acquire - somehow he or she manages to collect his "own" money (usually given on birthdays by aunts, uncles, family friends and grandparents) and buy whatever it is within a few weeks anyway. Never is the wait much longer than that.

Things are even better for children of single parents. A friend - a single mother - who works long hours and days says that the least she can do is buy her son whatever he wants whenever he wants. I followed her open-mouthed in a mall in Delhi while she happily let him choose an expensive mobile phone, some Xbox games and a pair of Nike shoes - all of which totted up to what would be a month's salary for many. When I asked her why she was willing to buy him absolutely anything, she thought for a while before she explained that in a way she was compensating him for having to live without a father. It's the least she could do. Can the latest iPhone be a substitute for a father today, I ask tentatively, aware that I was now treading on dangerous territory. Have things changed all that much? Well, no but if she refuses, his father (who now lives in Dubai) will buy it for him anyway, she adds, justifying her actions to herself.

Where were these aunts and uncles when we were growing up ? How come all we got was a measly hundred bucks or something like that - almost guaranteed to fall well short of whatever we were aspiring to acquire? We had to deserve even a book (suggest this to children today and see their look of disgust) before someone agreed to drive us to a bookshop. What's the need to buy it when you can borrow it? Suggest this to a child today and register his look of disbelief. Borrow? What's that?

Disclaimer: If anyone I know happens to read this, I wasn't referring to you!

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First Published: Oct 25 2014 | 12:05 AM IST

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