 "Spoof: Top 10 ways to save the rupee")
It's clear now that there's no simple way to save the rupee. We are way past that. So here's an unconventional, if flippant, look at what can be done to help the rupee in its hour of need.
10) Ban all import of hubcaps with a diameter of more than 1 meter in order to save foreign exchange, and announce it prominently so that this can become the lead item on prime time newscasts. If this doesn't work, we can add typewriters, fountain pens, 5-inch floppy discs, novels written by William Wordsworth and all paintings done by Steve Jobs to the banned list.
9) Announce that any government official caught saying "our fundamentals are strong" will be suspended immediately since every time someone says it, the markets take it as further confirmation that the government really has no clue and the rupee sinks some more.
7) Organise musical performances by Raghuram Rajan, the RBI governor-designate who has already got rock-star billing, in all major cities. The lead song, 'The Rise of The Rupee' could be set to music by A.R. Rahman and supported by an all-Bollywood cast.
6) Promise Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna award to anyone who can throw a 10-rupee coin the highest, in order to subtly suggest that the rupee is headed higher.
5) Every day before the Parliament session begins, ask MPs to stand up and say "BOO" to all who are selling rupees and buying dollars, to exhibit our national will to save the rupee. They could also pass a resolution to this effect.
4) Send Mamata Banerjee to Dalal Street to obstruct the path of rupee-sellers going to do their dirty work in the morning. Her crossed arms and deeply offended look will chill the heart of every rupee seller and dollar buyer and stop them in their tracks.
3) Organize a whole-day debate ending in a boxing match between Amartya Sen and Jagdish Bhagwati, supported by their respective co-authors, Jean Dreze and Arvind Panagariya, at the Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium and sell tickets at $10,000 each. TV rights and film rights could be sold separately.
2) Organize a week long Indian trip for foreign investors who will be escorted personally by the finance minister who will show them all the unfinished projects, half-baked schemes and closed-down factories. This will convince them of the 'potential' that exists to get things going, and the dollars will start flowing in.
1) Rahul Gandhi should step out and pronounce that "the value of the rupee is a state of mind." This profound statement will confound the traders so much that they will forget to buy and sell for many days, thus saving the rupee from falling. If that doesn't work, Sonia Gandhi could step in and announce that after listening to her inner voice, she has decided to have nothing to with economic policy making from now on.
We would like to involve our readers In working out a better and more comprehensive list, so please send us new suggestions if you have them.
10) Ban all import of hubcaps with a diameter of more than 1 meter in order to save foreign exchange, and announce it prominently so that this can become the lead item on prime time newscasts. If this doesn't work, we can add typewriters, fountain pens, 5-inch floppy discs, novels written by William Wordsworth and all paintings done by Steve Jobs to the banned list.
9) Announce that any government official caught saying "our fundamentals are strong" will be suspended immediately since every time someone says it, the markets take it as further confirmation that the government really has no clue and the rupee sinks some more.
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8) Put the gold reserves of the RBI on public display on Dalal Street in a well-protected glass case, to generate confidence in the rupee.
7) Organise musical performances by Raghuram Rajan, the RBI governor-designate who has already got rock-star billing, in all major cities. The lead song, 'The Rise of The Rupee' could be set to music by A.R. Rahman and supported by an all-Bollywood cast.
6) Promise Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna award to anyone who can throw a 10-rupee coin the highest, in order to subtly suggest that the rupee is headed higher.
5) Every day before the Parliament session begins, ask MPs to stand up and say "BOO" to all who are selling rupees and buying dollars, to exhibit our national will to save the rupee. They could also pass a resolution to this effect.
4) Send Mamata Banerjee to Dalal Street to obstruct the path of rupee-sellers going to do their dirty work in the morning. Her crossed arms and deeply offended look will chill the heart of every rupee seller and dollar buyer and stop them in their tracks.
3) Organize a whole-day debate ending in a boxing match between Amartya Sen and Jagdish Bhagwati, supported by their respective co-authors, Jean Dreze and Arvind Panagariya, at the Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium and sell tickets at $10,000 each. TV rights and film rights could be sold separately.
2) Organize a week long Indian trip for foreign investors who will be escorted personally by the finance minister who will show them all the unfinished projects, half-baked schemes and closed-down factories. This will convince them of the 'potential' that exists to get things going, and the dollars will start flowing in.
1) Rahul Gandhi should step out and pronounce that "the value of the rupee is a state of mind." This profound statement will confound the traders so much that they will forget to buy and sell for many days, thus saving the rupee from falling. If that doesn't work, Sonia Gandhi could step in and announce that after listening to her inner voice, she has decided to have nothing to with economic policy making from now on.
We would like to involve our readers In working out a better and more comprehensive list, so please send us new suggestions if you have them.