Quiet radicalism of first lady Melania Trump who is defiant in her silence

On the first anniversary of his inauguration, President Trump spent the day blasting Democrats for the government shutdown, suggesting that women marching in protest of his presidency were somehow celebrating it, and embroiled in allegations that he paid off a porn star to keep her quiet about their relationship. Melania Trump, meanwhile, commemorated the anniversary by tweeting a single photo of herself on Inauguration Day on the arm of a Marine. Her husband was nowhere in sight, and she did not mention his name. A few days later — on what happened to be the Trumps’ 13th wedding anniversary — she cancelled her plans to accompany Donald Trump to the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

She may not be progressive. She may not be political. And yet Trump may end up doing more than any of her predecessors to upend our expectations of the slavish devotion a first lady must display toward her husband.

Her reasons for doing so, of course, are almost certainly personal. With the exception of the Clintons, there has not been a more complicated first couple in modern history: Trump is the third wife of a man who once told the radio host Howard Stern he would “give her a week” to lose the baby weight after their son, Barron, was born. During the 2016 campaign she was put in the position of defending him after a 2005 Access Hollywood video showed him bragging about groping women. Since then, however, she has been anything but a public defender, and, in fact, has been defiant in her silence.

First ladies are expected to accept their husband’s infidelities and cruelty and to remain their strongest champions, no matter what the circumstances (and Trump’s are, undoubtedly, extreme). Lyndon Johnson could be downright mean to his wife, Lady Bird, upbraiding her in public and comparing her with women he found more beautiful. But when he was upset about negative press coverage ahead of the Democratic National Convention in 1964, it was his wife who cheered him on. In a fawning letter, Johnson wrote: “Beloved — You are as brave a man as Harry Truman — or FDR — or Lincoln. You can go on to find some peace, some achievement amidst all the pain. You have been strong, patient, determined beyond any words of mine to express.” It is hard to imagine Trump writing anything of the sort to her husband.

They are expected to be adoring. Nancy Reagan, Ronald Reagan’s biggest fan, wrote in her memoir, My Turn: “I’d like to come back as Ronald Reagan. If he worries, you’d never know it. If he’s anxious, he keeps it to himself. Depressed? He doesn’t know the meaning of the word. He’s really as relaxed and hopeful as he appears.”

Hillary Clinton was the first first lady to run for office, but as progressive and groundbreaking as she was, she nonetheless made the decision to stand by her husband after he admitted his affair with the White House intern Monica Lewinsky, regardless of her own hurt and humiliation. The day after President Clinton testified before a grand jury and came clean to the country; Clinton marched across the South Lawn together with Bill, their daughter, Chelsea, standing between them, holding both of her parents’ hands, as they headed for Marine One to embark on their annual summer vacation on Martha’s Vineyard. It was the photo-op the president needed.

Maybe Trump is more like Michelle Obama than people think. Though the mutual affection of the Obamas was obvious, Obama was also the first first lady to challenge people to accept a woman who refused to play the role of the saccharine, adoring spouse. 

© 2018 The New York Times