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<b>C S Krishna:</b> When the BJP and the Congress agreed to agree

India's leading political satirist imagines what it would be like if the two parties were to agree on a "constructive collaboration in a spirit of bonhomie"

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C S Krishna
Last Updated : Dec 13 2014 | 3:11 AM IST
Much commentary has attended the fact that the National Democratic Alliance has codified one U-turn after another on key electoral planks. Meanwhile, the Congress party, which had decried constant disruptions of Parliament when it was in power, has come to do the same in opposition; the Bharatiya Janata Party, in turn, has suddenly discovered the problems with parliamentary disruptions. Here, India's leading political satirist turns his eye to what would happen if the two parties realised the error of their ways.

Deal over Parliament impasse: BJP to behave less like UPA in power, Congress less like BJP in opposition"Friction between the rump Opposition, led by the Congress, and the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) government could give way to constructive collaboration in a spirit of bonhomie. The parliamentary logjam that began with the demand for the sacking of minister of state for food processing industries, Sadhvi Niranjan Jyoti, followed by Rahul Gandhi's robust interventions, including staging a silence protest, has ended amicably after the government and the Opposition struck a deal: the ruling BJP has given assurances that it will behave less like the United Progressive Alliance (UPA) in power; and in return the Congress has pledged that it will not emulate the ways of the BJP when the latter was in opposition.

A visibly relieved Sitaram Yechury broke the happy tidings over NDTV. "We were worked up over Sadhvi's intemperate remarks, but what was really keeping us awake at night was the scary possibility that this government may really be UPA-III clothed in saffron. I mean, whether it be the trial of Italian marines, disclosure of names of black money accountholders, refusal to reveal information about Netaji, and now defending IT 66A, they seem to be a chip off the old block. I heard they might even do a U-turn and give Aruna Roy her old job back as NAC [National Advisory Council] chief ideologue," Mr Yechury said.

It has not helped matters either that a Karnataka BJP member of Legislative Assembly (MLA) was caught gazing at pictures of Priyanka Gandhi on his smartphone, while BJP MLAs from Madhya Pradesh did their counterparts from the Tamil Nadu Youth Congress (TNYC) proud by congratulating the wrong Kailash. (The TNYC had famously burned copies of The Times of India in protest after the Time magazine did an unflattering cover story on former prime minister Manmohan Singh.) UPAcitis seems to have afflicted not just the Union Cabinet but the rank and file as well.

The prospect of a UPA redux is giving even UPA leaders nightmares. "After 10 years of our own rule, even we are yearning for change. Please stop behaving like us," was the unofficial Leader of Opposition Congress' Mallikarjun Kharge's plaintive appeal.

Parliamentary Affairs Minister M Venkaiah Naidu has calmed nerves by promising that his government would try its best to be different from the UPA going forward. "To our credit, we at least haven't launched new Rajiv Gandhi schemes. So bracketing us with the Congress is a little unfair. But yes, we are short on original ideas at the minute. All our ideas were on how to win the election. So please give us time to generate new ideas on how to govern the nation," Mr Naidu said.

In return, he has extracted promises that the Congress would not behave like the BJP in opposition. "More than being bracketed with the UPA, the prospect of the Congress behaving like us when we were in the opposition gives us the scares," Mr Naidu confessed. "They have promised to get back to their comatose ways and stop storming the well of the House as soon as we demonstrate that we have some original ideas of our own," Mr Naidu said.

According to the terms of the deal, Rahul Gandhi will make himself scarce and not be present for the remainder of the winter session of Parliament. As an act of goodwill, the Congress will depute Manmohan Singh to raise issues, if any. This will ensure speedy passage of key legislation in a state of tranquility.

However, all bets are off if the government does yet another U-turn on its pre-poll, holier-than-thou rhetoric, and toes the UPA line.
C S Krishna is the co-author of the 2014 political satire Unreal Elections

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First Published: Dec 12 2014 | 10:46 PM IST

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