Kishore Singh: Backbiters' brigade

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It had been many years since my sister and her children came to visit, so I was quite sympathetic when she said all she wanted to do was sit at home and chat.

"Surely," said my wife, "you'll want to take your children out and show them the sights?" "Not really," said my sister, "but if you want to take them out, I won't object to it."

"But they won't enjoy going out without you," my wife protested. "And I won't enjoy it if I'm with them," my sister retaliated. And so the matter would have rested, but for my wife.

"Why don't you take her out?" she hissed at me. "Because she doesn't want to go out," I reasoned. "Naturally," said my wife, "all she wants to do is sit at home and be waited on hand and foot, but I'm not putting up with her and her princessy ways."

She was as good as her word, and before we knew it, a couple of dinners had been organised between the little family and even fewer friends we had in the city. But that still left the days free, and my sister was adamant about staying put.

"When we visited you in Ahmedabad," my wife reminded her, "we would spend the whole day sightseeing." "That's because you wanted to," grinned my sister, "but I have no such interest. Besides, it's too hot to go out."

"That's right," I agreed with her, "and it's so much nicer all of us together like a family, at home." "You don't understand," my wife said, "I need my space to meet my friends and make my calls and lead my own life."

"But she's only visiting for a few days," I told her, "not a lifetime." "It sure feels like one," I thought I heard her mutter, though I wouldn't bet my life on it.

"Whenever you visit your sister in Jaipur," I turned to my wife, "you spend all your time talking with her instead of going around in the city."

"That's okay," my wife assured me, "because even though it bothers my brother-in-law, my sister wants me to stay at home and talk with her, so though he doesn't like it, he has to put up with it." "But I'd like to talk at some length with my sister too," I said. "That's just what worries me," she answered.

"But why should you be bothered about my sister and I wanting to chat?" I asked my wife. "Because it means I have to sit with you all day, to make sure you don't talk about me behind my back." "But why would we want to do that?" my sister asked.

"It's what everybody does," confirmed my wife, "and I want to make sure the two of you can't say anything about me."

"Are you saying," realisation suddenly dawned, "that when you're in Jaipur, you're talking about your brother-in-law." "Among other things," responded my wife. "And," I gasped, "about me?" "Un-huh," said my wife non-commitally, "sometimes."

Things were now becoming clearer. "I'm outraged," I said, "that my sister-in-law would stoop so low as to say mean things about me behind my back." "So am I," echoed my wife, "how could she do this to you?" "But you could have stopped her," I pointed out to my wife. "Whatever for?" she asked. "The whole point is to talk about a person who isn't there, otherwise it would develop into a fight, and where's the fun in that?"

I'm not sure I saw the logic in it till my wife said, "Since your sister won't go out, we can't talk about her behind her back, so let's talk about my sister instead."

"Now that," I said perking up, "has my complete and abiding interest."