Kishore Singh: Haggling hillbillies

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Memo from architect: "With reference to the land for building six cottages in Majkhali, please note the incline of the slope means half the cottages will have not a view of the Himalayas. Is this all right?"

Frantic SMS from travel agent, photographer, film maker and bureaucrat's wife (since the bureaucrat does not know how to use mobile): "Tell him it isn't."

E-mail from self to all others: "Since there appears to be a problem with the site and Himalayan views cannot be guaranteed for all, can we opt for a draw of lots?"

Private phone call from bureaucrat's wife: "Since we originally identified the site, we should have first call on choice of cottages, the rest to be shared by others?"

Fax from promoter: "It is possible to provide more land towards top of site, but cost will be extra."

SMS from everyone: "No way."

Visit by film maker: "If the others are being pricey, why don't you and I grab the land and start building?"

Registered letter from travel agent: "Forget six cottages, why don't we develop two that everyone can rent by turns?"

Whispered conversation between wife and self: "If we get the cottage at the bottom of the slope, you make sure we opt out."

Slip from builder, on likely costs of construction: "Anything between Rs 600 and Rs 900 per square foot."

Message from friendly architect (number two, and not part of commune): "Nothing less than Rs 1,800 per square foot, and in all likelihood Rs 2,000 per square foot."

Urgent SMS from travel agent: "Count me out."

Urgent rejoinder from film maker: "Can I pick up his extra land?"

Phone call from bureaucrat (who doesn't put anything down in writing): "We should wait till more decide to leave, and then we can have the land to ourselves."

Phone call from bureaucrat's wife: "We can't afford the extra land. In fact, we can't afford any land, so we're out." Immediate visit by bureaucrat: "We're in."

Consultation with friendly architect: "Rs 900 per square foot is a good ballpoint figure, but if you want solar panels and built-in wardrobes, calculate Rs 1,200 per square foot."

Phone call from bureaucrat's wife: "We're still out." Followed by phone call from bureaucrat; "We're still in."

SMS from film maker: "Can I buy anyone out?"

Report by architect: "I guess I could fit all the houses on top, next to each other, and develop gardens on the slope below."

Angry note from photographer's wife: "Is he kidding?"

E-mail from developer: "Are you still interested, or can I sell to someone else?"

Overlapping SMS messages from all others to self: "He can't do that, he's committed to us."

Aside by bureaucrat's wife: "We might be in, and we might not be in. Don't count on us, but don't leave us out."

Long-distance call from photographer: "Why not build a kibbutz and share costs?"

Visit by film maker: "Those who don't agree to build immediately as per the original plan should all be out."

SMS from self to all others: "Draw of lots for the cottages on Sunday. Please confirm attendance."

Message from architect: "Okay, if I get top-most cottage." Reply from travel agent: "Let's keep it between ourselves and load the draw in our favour."

Phone call from photographer: "I won't take it on the slope." SMS from film maker: "Forget the draw, I'll take it all." Visit by bureaucrat and theatre-person: "We're in, we're out, we're in, we're out..."