<b>Kishore Singh:</b> Keeping resolutions... in my dreams

This year, I will stop asking the children to move out, I will eat humble pie and buy my wife a solitaire, buy my wife a Rolex, buy my wife a holiday, I will take my mother to Goa, write more frequently to my father, patch up with my sister-in-law, patch up with my other sister-in-law, be less patronising of my younger brother, be less patronising of my elder brother, stop reminding my son about the money he owes me, stop reminding my son that merely paying for the gym isn't sufficient exercise, stop reminding my son that stay-at-home privileges don't extend to paying for his dry-cleaning, I will give up hoping that my daughter will set the alarm for her morning walk, I will give up hoping that she'll go for her morning walk, I will give up hoping that she'll change her mind about morning walks being a sedentary activity.

This year, I will not pretend to forget my wife's friends' names, nor talk about Sarla behind her back, stop hiding in the dressing room every time Sarla drops in unexpectedly, stop pretending I can't hear Sarla on the phone because of poor network, no longer forget to acknowledge old school friends or diss them behind their back, I will not eavesdrop on WhatsApp groups while pretending I don't read their messages, I will not boycott alumni annuals, their anniversaries, their parents' anniversaries, their children's anniversaries, or pretend to be out of town when a friend's spouse has a book reading, art opening, cooking demonstration or flower arrangement workshop.

This year, I will stop hoping that the dog will behave himself, the cook will add less salt to the food, the cook will add less oil to the food, the cook will add less spices to the food, the driver will take less days off from work, I will stop hoping the traffic policeman will overlook a speeding ticket, stop hoping that the traffic policeman can be bribed to overlook a speeding ticket, I will stop hoping that the electricity bill will come down, that the fuel consumption will come down, that the monthly household spend will come down, I will stop hoping that the plumber (or carpenter, cable operator, broadband engineer) will see fit to carry their own tools instead of wondering where I keep mine.

This year, I will buy myself a car with a sun roof to drive on odd days and another with an automatic gear to drive on even days, I will go bungee jumping, white-water rafting, parasailing, rock climbing, camping, I will take selfies, reply to SMS texts, reply to emails, reply to phone calls, learn to take photographs, learn to take better photographs, learn to attach those photographs to emails, learn to post those photographs on Facebook, open a Facebook account, get a Twitter handle.

This year, I will take time off from work, I will write fewer columns, take more frequent weekend breaks, take more frequent long breaks, stop drinking, stop eating meat, stop eating chocolates, mean what I say, mean what I write, watch less TV, read more books, spend more time at home, I will watch the sunrise and the sunset, I will take walks instead of talking about taking walks, take longer walks instead of talking about taking longer walks, make the bed, make breakfast, make tea, do yoga, do breathing exercises, meditate, sign up for a vipassana class, attend a vipassana class without talking or getting thrown out.

All this I will fantasise about, in my dreams, this year.