| "I've got very good relations with President Mubarak and Crown Prince Abdullah and the King of Jordan, Gulf Coast countries," ... Bush, confusing the Gulf Coast with the Persian Gulf, June 2, 2003 |
| President Bush: Howdy, doc. Say, you a real doctor? I've got this terrible pain in the knee ... |
| PM: Sir, I have a doctorate in economics. |
| Bush: Awww...never mind. How's the economy? |
| PM: It's doing very well. Industrial production is at 10.8 per cent, and manufacturing is growing at 11.5 per cent. |
| Bush: Great. How're the crops doin'? |
| PM: Agriculture should bounce back, but much depends, of course, on the precipitation pattern. |
| Bush: Yeah, I perspire a lot myself. |
| PM: And I hope El Nino doesn't play any tricks. |
| Bush: Absolutely, you can't trust these Hispanics. We get a lot of them back home in Texas. They come over the border from Mexico. Dunno why they're called Hispanics, though, when they should rightly be called Mexics. (Poking the PM in the ribs) Ha ha. |
| PM makes a feeble attempt to smile. |
| Bush: (consulting his papers) Say, doc, it says here you're a big democracy and you have freedoms just like we do here ... You got freedom fries? |
| PM: You mean fried potatoes? Of course, and we have McDonald's too. |
| Bush (animatedly): McDonald's? My God, then I'm sure you've got the same obesity problem we have here. I've always said that we have to win the war on terror abroad and the war on obesity at home. I mean, how can we fight the terrorists if we're fat and out of shape. We free nations must stand unitedly against terror and fat. |
| PM: Mens sana in corpore sano. |
| Bush: I don't speak French. You guys too got a problem with terrorists? |
| PM: We have had quite a few dastardly terrorist attacks. |
| Bush: (shaking the PM's hand): Attaboy, doc. That's exactly what we should be calling those terrorists. Dastards ... bloody dastards. |
| PM: And the situation is not helped by the fact that we have undemocratic neighbours. |
| Bush: Yeah, that Mugabe is a big problem in Zimbabwe. |
| PM: I was talking about Pakistan and China. |
| Bush: Aw, those guys""they're ok. |
| PM: China is buying up your companies. They may buy Unocal. They're dumping steel and textiles. They're thumbing their noses against your Taiwan policy. Give us some nuclear fuel, we'll get our power plants going again, and our economy will zoom. You could then sell us all the F16s and guns you want. Your companies can make tons of money. And we'll be able to take on China for you. |
| Bush (rubbing chin thoughtfully): Our campaign contributors might like that. |
| PM (delivering the masterstroke): And what if the Chinese bid for Halliburton tomorrow? |
| Bush (aghast) : Bid for Halliburton? Over Dick Cheney's dead body. (Takes out notepad and pencil) Can I take down your orders for those planes? |
| PM: I'll fax you the orders asap. About the nuclear fuel ... |
| Bush: I'll send it by the first morning flight. (Shakes hands) It's a deal then. Sock it to those Chinks. Goodbye doc, hello pardner. |
| POSTSCRIPT Bush (calling up Condi): Hey Condi, could you ask Fedex to deliver a plane full of nuclear fuel to Indonesia, pronto. |
| Condi: I suppose you mean India. |
| Bush: Now why the heck should I give nuclear fuel to those pesky pro-Russian, Saddam-loving Indians? Nope, I'm talking of supplying the stuff to my pal Doc Singh of Indonesia, who's going to take on the Chinks. |
| Condi: He's Manmohan Singh, Sir, the Prime Minister of India. (Long silence) |
| Bush: Heck. I thought he was from Indonesia. |
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