| Sources say, however, that efforts had been made to spare television viewers the tedium. The new scheme, reportedly hatched by an international consulting firm, proposes that the ministers read out the oaths together, in a sort of chorus. |
| "Our time-and-motion studies indicated how grossly inefficient the present system is," said the director of the consultancy. "By reading the oath in chorus," he continued, "we have a vast saving in ministerial time. All that is required is to have a singer or composer come and teach the ministers how to recite tunefully and in unison." |
| He also confirmed that several practice sessions had been held with Luciano Pavarotti, the famous tenor, conducting the proceedings. In the end, however, the scheme fell through, because it was realised that some of the ministers from the RJD were not taking the oath at all, but merely moving their lips. |
| And secondly, somebody pointed out Pavarotti's Italian connection. Unconfirmed reports say that Ms Sushma Swaraj had threatened to shave her head if Pavarotti was not sent out of the country pronto. |
| New Delhi, May 23. The unseemly haggling over ministerial posts has caused much embarrassment to the government, and reports say that a new committee has been appointed to ensure a simpler way of distributing the portfolios. The committee has already shot down the first proposal, from a group of economists, that the posts should be auctioned off. |
| "Instead," said a spokesperson, "ministries could be labelled in three broad categories "" lucrative, not-so-lucrative, and non-lucrative "" to enable ministers to have a clear idea of what to expect. Within these categories, the prime minister should have a free hand in determining the portfolios." |
| Sources point out, however, that Dr Manmohan Singh's negotiating power in allocating portfolios was severely limited, since being a Sikh he is not allowed to cut his hair, let alone shave his head, thus depriving him of a potent bargaining tool. |
| Patna, May 23. Inspired by Sonia Gandhi's shining example, many ministers have pointed out that they too have been refusing ministerships left and right. Speaking of Laloo Yadav, one of his spokespersons pointed out how he had refused the post of home minister although it was his for the asking. |
| Similarly, sources from Mr Paswan's office claim that he had politely turned down the post of deputy prime minister, although he could have got in on a platter. |
| While the Congress has denied that these posts were offered to Mr Yadav and Mr Paswan, Mr Govindacharya has reportedly said that the real reason for turning down these ministerships was because he had threatened to shave Mr Paswan's head if he accepted the post. Unconfirmed reports also say that Mr Shibu Soren had threatened to shave his beard. |
| Chennai, May 24. Jayalalithaa has withdrawn all the cases against journalists and civil servants and against Karunanidhi. She has promised free powers to farmers and repealed the anti-conversion law. Sources now say that she is planning more sops in an effort to ingratiate herself with the public. |
| As a first example, it will soon be announced that journalists will be provided with free liquor to cope with their high-pressure jobs. However, hacks here refuse to be impressed, pointing out that they have always had unlimited access to free booze. |
| Source say that Cho Ramaswamy, veteran journalist and editor of Tughlaq, wanted to shave his head in protest, and was taken aback when it was pointed out that he already had a shaven head. |
| Pune, May 24. Vilas Rao, a class 6 student of a local school here, yesterday forgot to go home from school, and was discovered by distraught parents late at night sitting on a tree-top. On being questioned, little Vilas blamed it all on the revisions in his history book. |
| "I used to think Aurangzeb was the bad guy and Shivaji was the greatest," said little Vilas disconsolately, "but the new government now says that Shivaji was all right and Aurangzeb wasn't really bad, apart from that little youthful indiscretion of murdering all his brothers." |
| Psychologists confirm that many children feel disoriented and lost because of the frequent revisions in their history text-books whenever a new government comes to power. But Radha, a bright young thing in class 7, pooh-poohs the problem. |
| "All you have to do during the exams," she says, "is to write something like, 'Aurangzeb was a lousy guy in 1999 but he's turned nicer now, and there's no telling when he'll turn nasty again'." Little Vilas, however, has threatened to shave his head if his history books are changed again. |
| manas@business-standard |
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