Manas Chakravarty: The cabinet's news meeting

WATCHWORD

, May 24: "Mr Chidambaram did a full eight-hour shift at the newsroom ... he read the newslist ... he conducted the news-meeting, he wrote the edit, he picked out the important stories and slotted page one, he gave and changed headlines."

Inspired by ET's example, another newspaper invited not just the Finance Minister but the entire cabinet to bring out the paper, and the details of that momentous news meeting are reproduced below. The names of the ministers have not been mentioned in order to protect their identities and the health of this correspondent, since the story may not be entirely accurate.)

The editor of the newspaper kicked off the news meeting by telling the ministers they had several good stories. A senior minister immediately welcomed the auto exports story, suggesting the headline "AUTO EXPORTS SOAR THANKS TO UNTIRING EFFORTS OF COMMERCE MINISTER AND HIS EXCELLENT POLICIES."

A rival minister pointed out that the headline was too long. Editor agreed. Rival minister cackled in glee. Senior minister suggested deleting the first five words.

Minister from eastern state suggested news report slotted for bottom of page 13 on minister inaugurating new railway godown at Begusarai should be shifted to page 1, with photograph. A minister from a rural background wanted an article on sugar production.

On the editor pointing out that there was no story on sugar that day, senior minister suggested taking photograph of smiling farmer having sugarcane on page 1, under the caption "UPA BRINGS SWEET SMILES TO FARMERS". Minister not friendly to senior minister wanted to add "ESPECIALLY IN WESTERN MAHARASHTRA" to that headline. Minister grunted.

Minister from northern state wanted story on man strangling wife in rural Haryana to be shifted to page 1, since the reporter was from a backward caste.

Editor said they had no policy on reservations for page 1, but if the Minister was thinking about such a policy, that would be news. Minister thought with furrowed brow before brightening up and announcing headline: "MINISTER MULLS OVER MULLING OVER RESERVATIONS FOR PAGE 1 STORIES".

Everybody agreed the lead story of the day was the dissolution of the Bihar Assembly. Headlines suggested ranged from "NDA PREVENTED FROM HORSE TRADING" to "DEMOCRACY RESCUED". A Minister dashed off edit on how secularism was saved in Goa, Jharkhand and Bihar.

One minister proposed that the story on Indian airline companies increasing flights to Europe be used. Editor said that was no big deal. Minister pointed out that twenty journalists and fifty politicians were being taken on the junket, and one good turn deserved another. Editor ignored wink and nudge.

Senior minister wanted story about the impact of Fringe Benefits Tax on companies to be rewritten. He wanted focus changed from how it will hurt salaries of employees to how it will help government finances, which will enable government to spend more, which in turn will lift people above poverty line.

All ministers agreed that story on uplift on poor was called for. Reporter asked to manufacture made-to-order report on the spot. Another minister wanted a page 1 piece on how people were benefiting from the government not hiking petrol prices, despite the runaway rise in international crude oil prices.

Editor wanted story on financial sector on page 1 and asked ministers whether they knew anything about the latest in bank privatisation. Deathly silence ensued, with ministers looking nervously over their shoulders. Somebody whispered what sounded like "Yechury" before hastily changing the subject.

Extremely senior minister then drew up story list for page 1 as follows: Lead: NDA prevented from horse trading Second lead: Fringe benefits tax to fund rural uplift UPA government spurs auto exports The government will not hike petrol prices A large photograph of smiling farmer consuming sugarcane Anchor: News analysis on struggle for power within BJP

After everybody agreed on stories, extremely senior minister faxed copies of page 1 news list to 10, Janpath and the CPI(M) office for their approval. Ministers had tea and samosas while waiting for reply. 10 Janpath said ok. CPI(M) Politbureau wanted story on fuel prices not being increased highlighted in a box, with the headline "PEOPLE'S PRICING". CPI wanted sickle prominently displayed in picture of farmer with sugarcane. All agreed. Thus ended this extraordinary news meeting.