| The project, launched by the Hon'ble Union Minister for Road Transport & Highways on the auspicious day of Makar Sankranti, is called the Prime Minister's Bharat Jodo Pariyojana or PMBJP. |
| Of course, the acronym, which was also prominently displayed in the advertisements, has nothing to do with the impending elections or with the BJP, just as the crores of rupees worth of sops recently announced by Jaswant Singh also have nothing to do with elections. |
| Apart from the goodies for farmers, slum-dwellers, pensioners, students and small-scale industries already announced, there are some completely unconfirmed and possibly imaginary reports that several new projects, schemes, committees and funds are also being considered that will be of immense benefit to the country, to society, and to politicians. |
| We bring you the details of several such schemes. Corporates and individuals are however warned that any investment made on the basis of these unconfirmed reports will be completely at their own risk. |
| A new literacy project is supposedly being considered whereby volunteers will educate illiterates. The scheme is called VOTE BJP, or Voluntary Operations To Educate the Bharatiya Janata Project. |
| The working class has unfortunately been marginalised by globalisation and by hire and fire policies. The government is seriously concerned about this trend and has reportedly formulated a scheme to take care of the grievances of working people. Called BJP WIN, or Building a Jumbo Plan for Working Indian Nationals, the scheme is supposed to take a re-look at labour laws. |
| Giving farmers loans is not enough and the government is well aware that much needs to be done for agriculture. New legislation to overhaul existing agricultural land tenure systems may be considered under a plan called PM ATAL, or the Prime Minister's Agriculture and Tenancy Action Law. It will, of course, also be a pointer of things to come. |
| Also important is tribal welfare, which has sadly not been up to the mark. In a clear message to the public, a new comprehensive plan for tribal development is being considered, which will undoubtedly help tribals to get their share of India Shining. |
| The plan, needless to add, will be called DPM ADVANI, or Development Plan to Make Adivasis Definitely Value A New India. Economists point out that when these schemes are combined with the new plan to eradicate unemployment, the Indian economy will get a boost from which it may never recover. The unemployment eradication programme is known by the fond half-acronym BJPJOBS, or, simply put, Big Jumbo Project for Jobs. |
| The less said about the mess in the power sector the better. Small wonder, therefore, that power reform is on top of the government's agenda, and this exalted status for the sector has now been finalised in a white paper entitled ELECT NDA, short for Electricity for National Development Agenda. |
| The government is concerned not only with human development, but its heart bleeds for animals as well. The shocking state of our zoos, for instance, has long been a source of immense concern to all animal lovers, as Maneka Gandhi will no doubt testify. |
| Thankfully, new age zoos are being planned by the government under a pioneering scheme known as BJP ZINDABAD or Basic Joint Plan for Zoological Institutes in New Delhi, Agra, Bangalore, Ahmedabad and Dhanbad. |
| A new resolution to tackle the problems of the economy may also be announced. The initiative, known as RSS GREAT, or Resolution on Special Summit for Growth, Redistribution, Exchange And Technology will address a host of issues in the economy. |
| Also, in order to ensure balanced regional development, the government could team up with the Bank of Japan to fund several regional initiatives. This scheme may be called BJP SHINING, or Bank of Japan Plan for Social Health Initiatives in North India, Nagaland and Gujarat. |
| Another committee on agriculture has also been set up, called CONGRESS HAI HAI, or Committee on New Green Revolution and Effective Scientific Systems for Horticultural Activities In Holland And India. The reference to Holland is because that country is funding part of the project. |
| A similarly named project, FOREIGNERSONIA, or Foreigners Office for Non-Indian Activities, deals with the issue of undesirable activities by foreigners. In this connection, one of the smaller programmes undertaken by the railways is to have left luggage offices at various stations. A new one in Chennai will be called LEFT LOSER, short for Left Luggage Office of the South Eastern Railway. |
| And lastly, we come to a very comprehensive scheme called WE WANT BJP, or Women's Education With Agriculture, Nuts, Transport, Bread and Jam Pariyojana, which sets aside crores for all the named issues. manas@business-standard.com |
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