Chennai airport’s domestic departure lounge resembled a food bazaar. I have seldom seen so many people eating all at once as if their lives depended on putting away as much as they could before the end of the world. Some wolfed down pakoras, others gorged on patties and cakes or munched sandwiches. Several gastronomically more ambitious families were scooping out parathas and subzi from tiffin carriers. The packed lounge smelt deliciously of food; the bins overflowed with empty tea and coffee cups.
It was a huge picnic except that with everyone concentrating intensely on paper plates and beakers, there was no sense of leisure. I wondered at this extravagant display of what looked like greed until realisation dawned. These passengers were trying desperately not to be robbed, looted and bankrupted by avaricious airlines while at the mercy of charmingly relentless cabin crew in a cramped and confined space some 35,000 ft up in the air.
The flying business is booming. Flights for Trichy, Mumbai, Coimbatore, Madurai, Delhi, Kolkata and other destinations were announced in three languages every few minutes. Long queues snaked towards each door for the Kingfisher, Jet, Paramount, SpiceJet, IndiGo and Indian Airlines, sorry, Air India, aircraft poised to take off. When it came to our turn, the packed bus had to stop twice for other coaches or aircraft taking off or landing. It was like entering Connaught Circus from Janpath or another crowded radial road. I felt the runway — and it’s a feeling I have nowadays at other Indian airports — should be equipped with traffic lights and policemen on point duty.
Safety on the ground is another matter. Profiteering in the air is what I am talking about. I may be mistaken but it seems to me that Indian Airlines aka Air India is the only carrier left that still serves a meal (good, bad or indifferent is immaterial) as part of the deal. I thought Jet was also in that category but no longer. Or not on all routes or all aircraft or all days of the week. When the crew came round with the trolley quoting prices, I said I thought Jet served meals as a matter of course. “Yes, sir, we do!” came the pat reply. “Then why are you selling snacks?” I repeated. “Only on some flights sir,” was the confusing answer. I never did get anything more explicit.
IndiGo’s smart and pretty — and smarter and prettier young women one rarely sees — young stewardess apologised nicely for not selling tea or coffee because heating creates problems. If there’s no heating, I asked, what about the “parantha rolls” or “punjab de paranthe” as IndiGo calls them, Rs 130 veggie and Rs 150 for non-veggie? “They are not heated sir.” Cold paranthas? She nodded her beautifully coiffuered head in mute assent. Cold paranthas! Can anyone imagine anything more horrible? And to think we were brought up on the best kathi kebab rolls from the legendary Nizam’s behind Kolkata’s New Market for two rupees a piece.
Up in the air — and prices are just that — a supposedly chicken sandwich, scraps of meat smothered in raddish and ketchup, costs a ridiculous Rs 150. A small packet of cashew nuts is Rs 50. Selling food and drink made commercial sense on Packer’s no-frills transatlantic flights whose tickets cost much less than on British Airways or Delta. Not here.
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Recently, I tackled a young steward about this. Young men are more easily embarrassed than charmingly lacquered young women who simply state a point of view and won’t budge from it. The food he had sold me was awful, wasn’t it, and the young steward wrinkled his nose in distaste. Finally, he said it all. “We don’t eat it, sir!”
I never thought the day would come when I would have to hold a brief for that colossal drain on the public exchequer, Indian Airlines aka Air India, but its tickets don’t cost much more than on this mushroom crop of new privately-owned airlines. Yet the latter have the effrontery to demand additional exorbitant prices for substandard food only because the passenger has no option.
Neither did I ever think I would one day argue against the free market. But having sampled airline food prices and quality, I must. Competition must not be curbed but in this as in other Indian manifestations of capitalism, the public must be protected from exploitation by profiteers. That means state supervision and official support for a strong consumer movement. It’s criminal to let airlines get away with it.