The innocent men of #MeToo

MJ Akbar deserves to be heard. The former union minister had been harping on a pivotal point while his seat of power was being dismantled, piece by piece. His statement is a must read; maybe not all of it, but a particular line highlighted and used repeatedly.

The veteran journalist knows his punctuation. He’s not just trying to get your attention. It’s directly from the horse's mouth. Pay attention.

“He didn’t do anything,” Mr Akbar quotes few of the many women who have accused him, at the very least, of bad behaviour. But they say that “he didn’t do anything”. So what’s the crime of a man whose accusers are saying that he “didn’t really do anything”?

Men are being accused and men are being defended, men are supporting the movement and men are attacking it. But the men who are fretting the most are the ones who are completely left out of the debate, and especially the ones who — unlike the former minister — are without a considerable clout. They are the ones second guessing their every move, disengaging from the debate of a century in the most neutral fashion possible and generally flying under the radar. Is it guilt? That’s what every Tom, Dick and Harry is trying to find out.

Ask the women. Not nearly as many, but a lot of men are looking to learn from their ghosts of Christmas past.

A few of my female friends reported receiving text messages from men who they believed had “ghosted” them — a term used to define an insensitive act of completely cutting off without notice. Some women got their brave #MeToo stories and opinions liked and shared by men they least expected it from. These men lauded the women for their courage with conspicuous eloquence. And, of course, a few anxious men called straight up and asked if they had ever said or done anything that could amount to misbehaviour, especially of a sexual nature.

God’s beloved mankind, the creatures they say he created in his own image are in a state of frenzy. Like stand-up comedian and television host Trevor Noah points out. Some men in places of power are trying to make the rest of the flock believe that men are being falsely accused left, right and centre. So many of them are trying to cover lost ground with women they think they may have behaved inappropriately with. But thanks to the hysteria, I am happy to report that finally, men — even the ones who believe they have been perfect gentlemen — are ready to evaluate how they have been treating women all this while.

The movement has been powerful enough to seed a doubt in the mind of even the most conscientious man. He is forced to re-evaluate how he would be perceived by people if his jock-like “boys talk” was to be discussed openly. He is worried that the “harmless” misogynistic humour that goes on in closed WhatsApp groups could have real-life consequences.

It’s not a distant reality anymore. Reading stories about women he has known closely, he is also shocked to learn that what he thought to be safe workplaces and liberal social circles don’t ensure protection from harassment. He is finally associating with the all-pervasive fear that a woman might be battling in any social environment.

And finally, he is evaluating his own intimate relationships. He is questioning if his version of a romantic gesture, could have made his partner uncomfortable, or if his sexual advances ever had a sense of entitlement attached to them. He is revisiting the meaning of consent.

How can a man not question his actions when even the quintessential Prince Charming has a chink in his armour? Actor Kristen Bell rightly points out that the character violated Snow White’s consent by kissing her in her sleep. It’s important to her that her children understand the meaning of consent through the right stories. Maybe it’s time to re-write a few fairy tales.

Equality is rarely achieved without an imbalance of power. In times when the scales are not tipping in the favour of men, “he didn’t really do anything” might just not be enough for an acquittal. It’s shaken the collective conscience of a gender. And the anxious feeling that you may have done something wrong, even when you may have not, is not such a bad thing after all.

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