When in India...

PEOPLE LIKE US

As President of India, you must get a lot of mail but I am hoping that as supreme commander of the Indian forces, you will have a little more time to devote to citizenly grievances.

You see, I'm a sensitive sort, and so when the defence forces continually show me the door, indicating I am not welcome on their premises, it upsets me.

If perhaps my father was to be a little more sympathetic, I might not be wasting your time, but as a retired fauji he feels it is I who is at fault.

"You were brought up in cantonments," he admonishes me, "you should know better." He is right, of course, and I mean no disrespect, but I fail to understand why I should be penalised for wearing Indian clothes in India.

Last weekend, you see, I caused considerable embarrassment to my host at the Indian Air Force mess where I had been invited, for wearing "Indian" clothes. I felt bad for him because it was his unpleasant task to ask me to leave because Indian clothes are not permitted according to service regulations.

Of course, I am aware of the rule "" how could I not be, since this is not the first time I have been shown the door, sometimes even rudely? The Air Force mess, for the record, was a first; mostly, it is the Indian Army that has done the honours.

But if I know the rules, why do I persist in showing up in my formal Indian wear? Let me take you into confidence, Rashtrapatiji. Because I am an optimist, I keep hoping that some babu or clerk will find the anomaly in the club rules that were probably drafted when we were an angrez colony, and amend them, so that I can wear my churidaars into an officer's institute.

You see, I find nothing offensive about a closed collar kurta. In fact, most times, it's more elegant, and certainly more formal than T-shirts and jeans which, unexpectedly are permitted at these institutes.

Only, it seems the army and navy and air force are so busy guarding our frontiers "" as indeed they should "" they haven't managed the time to look through antiquated rule books for things civilians like me find an irritant.

I mean, surely they must know that the British left in 1947, and that they are now the Indian Army, the Indian Navy and the Indian Air Force.

I cannot think of an institution that is as much an outpost of the Raj as the Gymkhana Club where, till a few years ago, a similar dress code had existed.

The Gymkhana too has had the privilege of showing me the door on occasion, but I am now perfectly at home there because some babu seemed to have discovered that the membership seems to consist entirely of Indians, so it made sense if they let them in wearing Indian clothes too. The club isn't too keen on keds, which is fine by me, but it's all right to keep your churidaars on.

The defence forces cannot be compared with a mere club, of course, and I would be the first to admit that. But I exert my moral right to assert that as an Indian and a civilian, it is insulting to be told that the clothes I wear "" formal and elegant, I assure you, even if "Indian" (whatever that means) "" are unwelcome on the R&R premises of the Indian services.

Wonder what Gandhiji would have made of such apartheid? Or maybe, contrary to the Constitution's guarantee, "Indians and dogs" still remain unwelcome in Indian India.
Yours etc.