There are some who know what they want right from the outset but Saif Ali Khan believes he found his foothold late in life.
For someone whose childhood was spent with one leg in the hills of Himachal Pradesh and another in UK's Hertfordshire countryside, the actor says he has spent a lot of time in introspection rather than focusing on the world outside.
"I think I'm a late bloomer in some ways. My acting is getting better and better today. And I think acting is something that grows with time - something as an understanding and maturity... To know what to do what not to do," Saif told PTI in an interview here.
The eldest child from a high-profile interfaith marriage, the actor recalls spending his formative years with the Westerners, whose laid-back, outdoorsy lifestyle he identifies with.
But living in Bombay, the actor says being introspective has now become a way of life.
"When I'm abroad, I'm out all the time, running around Taimur or going out to lunch and dinner, not in a very touristy way, but quite chilled out," Saif says.
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"Living in Bombay, I don't go out much. In Bombay, no matter how much money you have, it's better to be inside, at least, for me. I've spent a lot of time inward looking rather than outward looking. So I read, I think and I read more. And I listen to music," he adds.
Saif, who later enrolled in Winchester College, says it is only now that "the ancient halls of education" finally clicked something in him and he tries to understand what the teacher meant while talking about 'Ring Cycle' by German composer Richard Wagner.
"I'd listen to Wagner's Ring and think let me read the translation while I'm listening to it and some ridiculous things like this, which I would never do normally. I have become more and more academic for some reason...
"I look up those things now and I read about them and I have a curious mind. A lot of looking inward has made me used to reading, thinking and sometimes I answer questions like what I'm feeling and it leads to at least the illusion of understanding," he says.
The actor will next be seen in "Baazaar", which is based in stock market with a mentor-protege relationship as its spine and he dubs the film as the rise of the anti-hero.
Saif plays a seasoned stock trader, Shakun Kothari, who unlike his previous suave-oozing roles, is a "bit crass in places".
"There might be a little grace to the character. I think when I was a kid I used to watch Alain Delon movies. He was the best looking guy that's ever been. This French actor used to play these slightly darker roles but he used to give it a little style and in my head I thought, that's cool. I've always been slightly intrigued by darkness more than the light side of things.
"I find light to be misleading or boring. But as one gets old, even light needs strength to be reflected or to play Ram or to play a hero properly. You have to tap into different things. It's just something I enjoy. I actually wouldn't mind cornering the market (of anti-hero). It would be good fun to be known as that. Whereas earlier, people used to be like 'Oh, you are playing negative roles'. Now, it's becoming more grey."
"'Tanaaji' director said, 'You're like Imran Khan or Shahid Afridi. It's like you are the cricket captain of Pakistan. You're amazing but you're on the wrong side."
The audience ate right out of Nawazuddin Siddiqui's Ganesh Gaitonde for channelling the character's in-your-face assurance and notoriety and Saif remembers having an argument with director Vikramaditya Motwane on why was his Sartaj "so passive"?
"He could have easily been this gun-toting cop but he's not. He's screwed on every level in his personal life. He's trying to commit suicide, maybe by drinking the drain cleaner. Everyone is hitting and punching him, he's so down. Perhaps that's what made us feel that he's different. I think the fact that I did it and did it quite willing to get slapped made a difference."