"EastEnders" actor Danniella Westbrook says she was initially afraid to talk about her cancer diagnosis after having seen her friend, "Big Brother" star Jade Goody's deterioration.
The 44-year-old actor, who is battling womb cancer, initially turned to cocaine to help her cope with the diagnosis.
Westbrook said she collapsed in pain while in the UK and was taken to hospital by Kerry Katona, and it was when she flew to Spain that she had the devastating news.
She admitted she turned to cocaine at first because she wanted to "numb everything and get drunk", but now she is focused on fighting the disease.
"After what happened with Jade I was frightened to talk to anyone about my cancer at first. She was my friend and what happened was so awful. I've tried to commit suicide before but getting this diagnosis has made me realise I don't want to die.
"I want to live and sort out my health. I know I have to fight, I know I have to get up and battle it," the actor told The Mirror.
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Westbrook said the future looks "hopeful" as the doctors believe cancer is "containable".
She will undergo a full hysterectomy in three weeks' time.
The actor, best known for playing Sam Mitchell in "EastEnders", previously sparked concern among fans after posting a string of messages referring to fighting cancer.