Mental exhaustion took such a toll on Glenn Maxwell that the Australian all-rounder wanted his "arm to be broken" during the 2019 World Cup, hoping it would be an "easy escape" from international cricket as he was in desperate need for a break.
The 31-year-old, who had taken a break from international cricket last October for issues related to mental health, on Wednesday opened up about his struggles with depression.
Maxwell recalled a net session before Australia's World Cup match against South Africa where he and Shaun Marsh were both struck on the arms while batting.
"I knew he (Marsh) was in trouble when he came in, and immediately I felt bad for him. I just thought I hope he's OK, and if anything, I wish we could swap our news (suspecting Marsh'' arm was broken)," Maxwell said in the Ordineroli Speaking podcast with Neroli Meadows.
"We went to the hospital together and we were both sitting there, I think both hoping for opposite news. When I got hit, I was angry and a part of me was hoping (my arm) was broken.
"I was like 'this is it, I just need a break'... I was thinking about things I could do on the way back to snap it. I had anger at other people and it didn't make sense, but I was angry at myself for not being able to produce at all this World Cup.
"I thought it would've been an easy escape because I felt like I was going to get dropped at some stage and I thought maybe this is the way."
"You're taking down an international attack and just not enjoying any bit of it."