Most aspiring dog owners have a slightly tougher system of classification to sift through in the centuries that have gone by since the first domesticated dog shed hair all over the furniture, man has created some 350 different breeds of dog. Heres a shortlist of some of the more popular breeds, in order to prevent the setter or pointer of your dreams from metamorphosing into an upsetter and a disappointer.
German Shepherd or Alsatian: The classic dog in every sense. They are courageous, loyal, intelligent, excellent guards and are usually one man dogs their owners had better be prepared to give as good as they get. Excessive inbreeding has given rise to such defects as hip dysplasia and a tendency towards neurosis, so get a guarantee from the breeder against these. Pups need firm handling and training; the dogs should get plenty of outdoor exercise.
Doberman Pinscher: Developed, unsurprisingly, by a German tax collector in the 1890s, the Doberman has a fearsome reputation as a guard dog. These days, its the standard choice of businessmen who want to keep the taxman off their premises! Most dobers in India are tied up all day and let loose at night, guaranteeing a neurotic animal. They are highly strung and unpredictable but some can be excessively sweet-tempered and docile.
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Rottweiler: This German-developed breeds ancestors crossed the Alps with the Romans over 2,000 years ago. It has a satanic reputation as a killer, but is useful to have around if you possess trunks of the variety found in Sukh Rams house. Stocky, calm, stubborn, they are strongwilled dogs that need professional training. Not for the frivolous or the novice.
Mastiff/Bullmastiff: The mastiff was bred as a war dog and later pitted against lions, tigers and bears. The bullmastiff was bred to protect large English estates from the depredations of poachers. These gentle giants weigh between 50 and 100 kgs and are very powerful. Large grounds and total obedience are a must for the wellbeing of both owner and dog. Definitely not to be kept around as just a status symbol.
St. Bernard: At the Hospice of St Bernard, they were trained to rescue lost travellers in the mountains. Big, powerful and hefty, the hot Indian plains do not agree with them. If you have a chalet high up in the Himalayas with a private mountain attached, thats a different matter. No, theyre not addicted to brandy.
Great Dane: This German (not Danish) giant has a lineage that goes back some 400 years. Dignified and stately, they weigh between 55 and 75 kgs and stand just under a metre high. Great Danes have relatively small hearts, and so longevity is not their suit. Perfect for owners of large estates and farms.
Boxer: Often mistakenly dubbed the bulldog, the boxer is many things rolled into one: guard, clown, babysitter, playmate, athlete, face licker and exuberant lapdog. Its usually medium-sized, short haired and easy to keep. And of course, it has a face thats worth millions!
Bulldog: Squat, wide, jowly and irresistibly ugly, bulldogs were bred for bull-baiting till 1835, when the sport was banned. They are now docile, affectionate creatures, with a delightful bandylegged gait. Keeping them fit is a problem, though, and like most snub-nosed breeds, they do not live long past their first decade. Though theyre normally sweet-tempered, they can be formidable when aroused.
Labrador retriever: Their Newfoundland ancestors were bred to recover hooked fish from the sea. In England, they switched to retrieving downed waterfowl from marshes. Labs now have a repertoire that includes sniffing out RDX, leading the blind, and tracking down escapees from Tihar. They are sloppy, affectionate family dogs, prone to overeating and the consequences thereof. Available in black, white or biscuit.
Golden retriever: A labrador with goldilocks, so extremely photogenic. They need extensive grooming. The breed tends to be temperamental, so its important to interview the parents after the manner of convent schools before going for the pup.
Dalmatian: Every time Disney remakes 101 Dalmatians, this breeds popularity soars, chiefly for fashionable reasons. They were originally a hunting breed that ran beside and under coaches, thus acquiring the sobriquet Coach Dog. (No, dont allow it to run alongside your Maruti.) Dalmatians need plenty of exercise, so dont buy one just because your interior decorator said so.
Cocker spaniel: A sporting dog whose melting eyes and long silken ears often cause it to be hideously spoilt. Loves the outdoors and water. Its convenient size makes it a very popular choice. Comes in various colours golden and black being the most popular.
Basset hound: Low-slung, heavy-boned and lugubrious, with doleful eyes and long floppy ears. Dont be deceived! These are tough hunting hounds who can trot all day and who are indefatigable when on the scent.
Pekingese: This snub-nosed inscrutable waddler is of Royal Chinese descent and has long suffered the ignominy of being kept by silly socialites as ornaments. Even being eaten by peasants and Maoists would be a more honourable fate for these lion-hearted little fellows. Theyd appreciate being treated like ordinary dogs and not animated brooches, thank you.
Poodle: The poodle has suffered terribly at the hands of haute couture. Originally poodles were self-respecting hunters and herders and trimmed lion-style to help them swim better. Today, thanks to blue rinses and hairdressers you cant take them seriously any more. The Teacup Poodle, bred literally to fit snugly inside a teacup is probably the ultimate in the toy dog syndrome. Maximum size is standard over 37 cms in height.
Pomeranian: Inevitably called the Pamerian in Punjabi, the Pomeranians ancestors were sled dogs of Iceland and Lapland. Its small size, puffball looks and perkiness have made it an extremely popular pet. They can also strike terror into the hearts of linesmen, meter readers and other undesirables. Convenient for small homes (if you can stand the yapping). Usually available in white, black, or orange.
Dachshund: Long and low-sling, originally bred to go down tunnels after badgers. As a corollary, they are also stouthearted and sturdy. Should never be allowed to put on weight or jump on and off beds and chairs, as this can damage their spines. Three varieties smooth-haired, wire-haired, and long-haired.
Pariah: Often considered to be the best dog to have. Tough, disease-resistant and capable of looking after itself as here natural selection has been at work. Choosing a pup can be chancy if you dont know the parents. Also, if you allow it to sow its wild oats unfettered, you will be responsible for adding to the population of miserable mangy strays. If you sterilise it youll be depriving it of one of the greatest pleasures in life! Perhaps its time pariahs were officially recognised as a breed, for as we keep saying, caste and creed should be no bar!