Truth be told: Breaking the silence on death and money in Indian families

Rekha and Rahul, both in their early forties, were batchmates at the Indian Institute of Management (IIM). They married soon after graduating and enjoyed successful careers in Bengaluru. 

 

Rahul worked at a startup, while Rekha was with a large consultancy firm. After their second child was born three years ago, Rekha took a career break and was now considering her next move.

 

They live in a rented flat but had always dreamt of retiring to their hometown and spending their retirement in a home they would build there. 

 

While Rahul’s salary covered their family expenses and allowed them to invest for their children’s college education, it was not enough to build their retirement corpus. No funds were available for their dream home. Rahul’s Employee Stock Ownership Plans (Esops) from his startup could bridge this gap. But it was risky to depend on Esops for such an important goal. 

 

They considered compromising on their children’s education goal or reducing their lifestyle expenses to invest more, but neither option was acceptable to them.

 

If Rekha returned to full-time consultancy, the deficit could be covered.  However, her heart was no longer in it. She was more passionate about starting personalised yoga classes, which would give her time for self-development and her children. But the income from yoga classes would only partly meet the retirement deficit. 

 

Thus, Rekha faced a dilemma: return to her high-paying consultancy job and fulfil their financial goals, or pursue her passion and rely on the Esops, with the risk it entailed.

 

During a discussion about their goals, I asked them to visualise their dream retirement home. Rekha described it in such detail it was clear she was picturing an actual home — her parents’ house, where she had grown up. As the only child with parents in their early seventies, it was likely she would inherit the house by her early sixties.

 

“Could your parents’ house serve as your retirement home,” I asked. Initially uncomfortable discussing the financial implications of her parents’ passing, Rekha acknowledged that inheriting the house would simplify her career choice today. This stirred up a mix of emotions within her. Linking her financial plans to an inheritance felt like a compromise of her independence, and she feared being seen as a privileged “entitlement-minded rich kid”.

 

Nevertheless, she accepted the inevitability of the inheritance, which would support her dream of running yoga classes and spending more time with her children.

 

All that remained was to have a delicate conversation with her parents. Fortunately, Rekha 

 

shared a close relationship with them. She spoke about her career plans and her dream of retiring to her childhood home. Her parents were thrilled to support her career choice and were delighted to know they could make a meaningful difference in her life.

 

Truth be told, topics like death, sex, and money are taboo subjects in Indian families. Family dynamics and circumstances can be complex. 

 

For Rekha, the absence of siblings and a strong bond with her parents simplified matters. Not all families are comfortable having such conversations.

 

Yet, this festival season may be a good time to bring discussions of death and money out of the shadows. These conversations could allow others, like Rekha, to change the course of their lives. What more could a parent ask for?

 

The writer heads Fee-Only Investment Advisors LLP, a Sebi-registered investment advisor; 

 

X @harshroongta