2010: A telecasting odyssey

Me: Main kahaan hoon? (Where am I?)

Telly: "In the summer of 2010, darling."

Me: Oh! But I thought I'd slept off watching Jassi that was nearing its end in 2005. In fact, Telly, don't you remember all those episodes when Jassi and Armaan were supposed to be married off in Malaysia drawing the serial to a close? Darn, I've obviously missed the end. (I start whining)

Telly (with a troubled-turned-sheepish expression): Oh, stop crying. You haven't missed much. Jassi's still aired on Sony TV but between different programmes.

Me (wiping the tears from my face): Aired between different programmes? What do you mean? How can a serial be aired between a serial? Are you crazy?

Telly (excitedly): Hurry up, hurry up, switch on the TV. There's a programme coming on Sony.

Me (getting annoyed): But this is an advertisement, Telly. It's not a programme.

Telly: Er, things have changed in 2010. Ads seem to have better storylines and plots compared to serials and programmes. So the likes of Jassi accommodate all the ads, and ads are now treated as programmes.

Me: You mean...

Telly: Yes, people watch commercials for entertainment now, while Jassi is endorsing beauty products, promoting different tourist destinations and Sony's new activities with Indian Idol Abhijeet Sawant who has now become her latest squeeze on the show after Armaan fought with her for the nth time a night before they were to get married on the serial.

Me (almost fainting): Phew! Let's see what else you're showing us. Hey, that's Abhishek Bachchan on KBC.

Telly (drooling over Abhishek Bachchan): Actually, Amitabh is so busy endorsing toothpastes and soap bars and dancing on Subrata Roy's grandkids' birthdays that he decided to gave away KBC to his son.

So Chotta B acts in films, anchors this show, and says no to ads because his dad is doing them all anyway. The show's a big hit since the prize money is nearly Rs 10 crore, with 10 life lines and five phone-a-friend options, and the first question alone fetches you Rs 15,000.

Me: At least, we're done with Ekta Kapoor serials. That's a sign of relief.

Telly: Ha! Fat chance. They're still going strong. Tulsi has become great-great-great grandmother without a single grey hair on Kyunki Saas... Ever since you've been in deep slumber, 'K' serial plots are revolving around sting operations with veteran journalists doing exposes on kitchen politics. Ekta Kapoor thought it was a lucrative step to get audiences glued to her serials.

In fact, you must look at the remix channel, where scenes from different serials are interspersed together to create different programmes.

There's also a digicam reality hunt doing the rounds where aspiring directors with digicams go hunting for stories and direct 15-minute serials on digicams. Then, the biggest TRPs are being grabbed by the "perfect sting operations journalist hunt show". All in all, it's time you woke up to Telly Vision 2010.