One of the most amusing "" and indeed cheapest "" ways of amusing yourself is to look closely at the spelling on advertisements and banners in Delhi. |
Like this one, near my house, advertising English-speaking classes. |
"British English speaking. English conversion classes. Contact ____" I was curious, so I walked to the institute, and asked to see the owner. What do you teach? I asked. |
"English grammar, speaking, conversion""." |
You mean "English conversation," I interrupted. "Hmm hmm, English conversion, public speaking, sub kuch,"he went on, ignoring my attempts to correct him. |
"How long does this conversion take?" "Forty-five days grranteed," he said, stressing the last word, and dropping the vowels to make the assurance sound threatening. |
"Dekho poora details board mei likha hai." |
Sure enough, on the board, was this: |
"British English speaking. English speaking and conversion in 45 days granteed." |
In Delhi it seems you can spell anyway, as long as it is remotely English. |
"Shammi Printing Press, Acharya Niketan: Bill book, Letter paid, visiting card, pumplet" I think you know what "letter paids" and "pumplets" are, but the point is this. This is where the mischief starts, with the designer of the flyers and banners. |
I decided to walk through the lanes of east Delhi, and make a note of bad spelling. I didn't have to go far. |
The lanes behind my house are crammed with signboards advertising small businesses; among them motor driving schools are popular. One such school called "Royal" advertises his school as "Royal motor driving collage." A ride in his car will take you across Mayur Vihar. Be careful not to park outside the Samachar Apartments shopping complex though. The police there have put up a sign that says: |
"No parking on the road. Violaders will be prosecuted." "By order, SHO Mayur Vihar." |
However, if your car breaks down, Ashish Automobiles down the road has a comprehensive car repairing service. A board hanging in front of his shop advertises his skills: "Mechanical repair, denting, painting, master in accidental jobs." I think he means accident. |
Still in the shopping complex: If you are searching for something for your child, Fun-N-Joy Gallery urges you to buy his baby prams, try cycles and hi chairs. If you are hungry, try Aggarwal Sweet Corner behind the complex. He has a wide selection of sweets and offers free home delivery on a minimum purchage of Rs 100. |
Sometimes the mutilation in spelling changes the meaning completely. Devendra Steel Furniture in Patparganj sells these: aluminum trunk, folding bad (bed) and kitchen rack. |
A fashion store next to him advertises ladies undergarments and (no offence is meant here), nighteyes and froks. |
Those who don't string banners, send you flyers "" a few examples from them. |
"Aroma Delicacies" is a new neighbourhood restaurant. He also has a new spelling for get-togethers. He caters for get-to-gathers. |
An institute for management coaching guarantees success if you go to them with just one quality "" detrimentation. |
A visiting card slid under my door, from a new taxi service eager to advertise its services, reads: |
"Vashnavi Tours and Travels, Marutis, A/c Indicas, Ford Ikon, 4 and 8 shiters" |
"Direct costomer to costomer service" |
I am not going to say anything more about it. |
In the attempt to advertise in English, both the small shops and the big companies provide a lot of amusement. Eureka Forbes erects a tent every Friday to advertise their latest products: a "Vacume cleaner" and a "water purifire". |
Funnier still, in banners strung across east Delhi, Hindustan Lever is now advertised as Hindustan Liver. In one stroke, the multinational has become an organ in the abdomen. |
This last error, you will recognise, is due to a substitution of one vowel for another. It is not hard to trace its source "" pronunciation: the words are written the way they are said. In spelling E changes to I very often, as in the banner advertising, ASN Beauty Clinic: "50 % off on complition of course". |
The blurb on the packet of home-made chapattis I order regularly says "" "Chatto Chapattis... Hyginically made." |
The change in meaning is very funny when the same vowel (E) is replaced by A. East Delhi is full of such hilarity. |
Near the DCP's office in Shahdara is a men's hair cutting saloon "" "The Mane Saloon".( He has since changed it.) I asked the owner if he meant men's saloon. |
"Yes," he said, "manes saloon," pronouncing the vowel differently, and giving me a clue to his sloppy spelling. I made a note of the change; men to mane, thinking you couldn't do much more damage than this. I closed my book, wishing to turn these notes into an article. I had come to the end of a lane when, I looked up and read: "Selection Point "Complete range of man's wares." |
I am sure you know which vowel has changed and I am sure the pun is not intended. I am also sure you know what it means. So have a good laugh. |