Business Standard

A spelling tour

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Arun Ganapathy New Delhi
One of the most amusing "" and indeed cheapest "" ways of amusing yourself is to look closely at the spelling on advertisements and banners in Delhi.
 
Like this one, near my house, advertising English-speaking classes.
 
"British English speaking. English conversion classes. Contact ____" I was curious, so I walked to the institute, and asked to see the owner. What do you teach? I asked.
 
"English grammar, speaking, conversion""."
 
You mean "English conversation," I interrupted. "Hmm hmm, English conversion, public speaking, sub kuch,"he went on, ignoring my attempts to correct him.
 
"How long does this conversion take?" "Forty-five days grranteed," he said, stressing the last word, and dropping the vowels to make the assurance sound threatening.
 
"Dekho poora details board mei likha hai."
 
Sure enough, on the board, was this:
 
"British English speaking. English speaking and conversion in 45 days granteed."
 
In Delhi it seems you can spell anyway, as long as it is remotely English.
 
"Shammi Printing Press, Acharya Niketan: Bill book, Letter paid, visiting card, pumplet" I think you know what "letter paids" and "pumplets" are, but the point is this. This is where the mischief starts, with the designer of the flyers and banners.
 
I decided to walk through the lanes of east Delhi, and make a note of bad spelling. I didn't have to go far.
 
The lanes behind my house are crammed with signboards advertising small businesses; among them motor driving schools are popular. One such school called "Royal" advertises his school as "Royal motor driving collage." A ride in his car will take you across Mayur Vihar. Be careful not to park outside the Samachar Apartments shopping complex though. The police there have put up a sign that says:
 
"No parking on the road. Violaders will be prosecuted." "By order, SHO Mayur Vihar."
 
However, if your car breaks down, Ashish Automobiles down the road has a comprehensive car repairing service. A board hanging in front of his shop advertises his skills: "Mechanical repair, denting, painting, master in accidental jobs." I think he means accident.
 
Still in the shopping complex: If you are searching for something for your child, Fun-N-Joy Gallery urges you to buy his baby prams, try cycles and hi chairs. If you are hungry, try Aggarwal Sweet Corner behind the complex. He has a wide selection of sweets and offers free home delivery on a minimum purchage of Rs 100.
 
Sometimes the mutilation in spelling changes the meaning completely. Devendra Steel Furniture in Patparganj sells these: aluminum trunk, folding bad (bed) and kitchen rack.
 
A fashion store next to him advertises ladies undergarments and (no offence is meant here), nighteyes and froks.
 
Those who don't string banners, send you flyers "" a few examples from them.
 
"Aroma Delicacies" is a new neighbourhood restaurant. He also has a new spelling for get-togethers. He caters for get-to-gathers.
 
An institute for management coaching guarantees success if you go to them with just one quality "" detrimentation.
 
A visiting card slid under my door, from a new taxi service eager to advertise its services, reads:
 
"Vashnavi Tours and Travels, Marutis, A/c Indicas, Ford Ikon, 4 and 8 shiters"
 
"Direct costomer to costomer service"
 
I am not going to say anything more about it.
 
In the attempt to advertise in English, both the small shops and the big companies provide a lot of amusement. Eureka Forbes erects a tent every Friday to advertise their latest products: a "Vacume cleaner" and a "water purifire".
 
Funnier still, in banners strung across east Delhi, Hindustan Lever is now advertised as Hindustan Liver. In one stroke, the multinational has become an organ in the abdomen.
 
This last error, you will recognise, is due to a substitution of one vowel for another. It is not hard to trace its source "" pronunciation: the words are written the way they are said. In spelling E changes to I very often, as in the banner advertising, ASN Beauty Clinic: "50 % off on complition of course".
 
The blurb on the packet of home-made chapattis I order regularly says "" "Chatto Chapattis... Hyginically made."
 
The change in meaning is very funny when the same vowel (E) is replaced by A. East Delhi is full of such hilarity.
 
Near the DCP's office in Shahdara is a men's hair cutting saloon "" "The Mane Saloon".( He has since changed it.) I asked the owner if he meant men's saloon.
 
"Yes," he said, "manes saloon," pronouncing the vowel differently, and giving me a clue to his sloppy spelling. I made a note of the change; men to mane, thinking you couldn't do much more damage than this. I closed my book, wishing to turn these notes into an article. I had come to the end of a lane when, I looked up and read: "Selection Point "Complete range of man's wares."
 
I am sure you know which vowel has changed and I am sure the pun is not intended. I am also sure you know what it means. So have a good laugh.

 

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First Published: Jul 29 2006 | 12:00 AM IST

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