Conversation piece

The bats and balls have become stationery. In this lull before the World Cup kick-off, the only things wagging are the tongues. Since no one sought Umpire's Post's views, it has decided to give vent to its petulance by punching holes in what the others have said. As the readers of this column "" yes, the use of the plural number is correct "" would have expected, we open with the India coach.

Greg Chappell on Ganguly: ... he has three more years in his career...he needed to go away and reassess. He's done that and there's no reason why his career can't go on for some time. I expected that he could do that.

UP: So, that's why you called Ganguly mentally and physically unfit. Just the right words to encourage India's most successful captain.

Virender Sehwag: This (Australian) team too has the ability and power to lift the cup for a record third consecutive time.

UP: Yes, Virender! Now that you are in the team...

Scotland batsman Majid Haq: For us to beat Australia would be like the Faeros beating Brazil at football.

UP: Majid, old boy! Now is the time.

John Buchanan: There is a bit of ego battered more than anything else. It is a matter of making sure we do all the homework and do specific training for the team we are about to play.

UP: Weren't you pleading with the opposition to give your boys a game? Be careful what you wish for.

Ricky Ponting: I got some pretty funny text messages from him (Mike Hussey) after every one of the games "" 'how are you...are you on the next flight over?' and 'you can have your job back, I don't want it any more'.

UP: Mere occupational hazards, Ricky. Losing 3-0 and conceding two record chases.

Barry Richards: Ever since England won the triangular series in Australia, a lot of people have been saying that Australia are going to come back even stronger. I am not convinced.

UP: Barry! My soulmate!

Brian Lara: We are looking to get to the semi-finals and then take it from there.

UP (scratching its head): Can one do it the other way, Brian? Start as the winner?

John Emburey: Look what's happened to the West Indies since we stopped having them as overseas players, their game has gone downhill.

UP: Agree, John! Now, if only county cricket would have the same beneficial impact on English cricketers...

Michael Kasprowicz: My theory is that every time a batsman plays and misses he should be asked to take off one piece of protective clothing of the bowler's choice.

UP: Michael! You pervert!