Her story, by and for her

As the blurb reads, there have been many books on patriarchy and of the status of women in it. Recall Mary Wollstonecraft and August Bebel earlier, and in the 20th century, Simone de Beauvoir, Betty Friedan, Kate Millet and Germaine Greer. They described the status of women in society down the ages.

This book is different. Its focus is on women's relations with other women in their families""that is, it depicts the matriliny within patriliny.

I remember a friend once was telling of his witnessing a programme with his children because his son was participating in it. I asked, "Didn't your wife also see it?" He was surprised and said, "But I just said that, 'me and my children saw it!' Isn't it understood?" Perhaps it was to him. It wasn't to me. At best it showed that a woman does not get easily talked about by her "protectors" and that's the reason why their personality growth, and their own spaces, have to be fought for. That's why this book is welcome. It gives voice to their stories.

Of the 12 narratives included in the book, eight are the result of a workshop hosted by the Centre for Development Studies in Trivandrum in 1998""so why did it take seven years for the book to come out? Four pieces were added "to expand the range". Most of the narrators are now women of substance. They have written about their mothers, aunts, grandmothers and themselves.

However, when adding the four pieces, the editors could have considered including a few stories of their not so fortunate sisters also. To have an even wider representation, stories of those who were not only born backward but have also remained oppressed, would have been more appropriate.

The editors say that the authors were able to extract spaces of their own by emulating an elder "renegade", usually female, relative. The help of their mothers was also resorted to. Mothers, having no such space of their own, became "reverse beacons" to the authors, making them realise that their own lives should be different.

Inspiring stories of heroic women and the struggles to realise their dreams were another method. Lastly, the general social change helped them to carve out their niches. Always education was the sine qua non. Without it, even the most determined woman could at best only try to influence some other male's opinion to get her way.

As Vina Mazumdar's mother pointed out that it was a privilege for Vina to have got an education and therefore her horizon should go beyond her children and husband; otherwise, "the older you grow, you will find your mind becoming smaller". A surprisingly radical and liberating advice considering its vintage.

Each of the narratives is extremely interesting and inspiring. My only regret is that they are all so short. Some more space given to the writers would have given more substance to their tales. For example, while Nabaneeta Deb Sen's narrative does not deal with her divorce, it should have nevertheless dwelt on why it came as such a shock that her husband did not "love her anymore".

At times one wonders if it is not reasonable to think that women of her background could have fought for their rights. In this case she should have asserted her individual and creative self and not just been satisfied as Amartya's appendage. Some more space would have allowed for more soul searching.

It is interesting to see the growth and the struggles of these fascinating women throughout the book. When calamity struck them, it was mostly other women who came to their aid. Growth is furthered when the women in search of succour came in contact with the Left and Democratic movements.

Having earlier been cocooned in the family, they were quite unaware of the world and all that it had to offer. Their subsequent thirst for knowledge is palpable in each of their tellings.

There are small bits of information littered throughout the book, like the Muslim mourning rituals, as regards women, are the same as among Hindus although doctrinal Islam forbids them. Or that the authorities, including the police, were decent, helpful and polite to the partition victims.

Sometimes a national tragedy like the partition of India can help liberate women. Social upheavals can break the ritual and social structure such that the old rules do not and cannot apply. At that time, when the refugees groped about trying to set their lives in order, women too were required to pitch in.

This meant breaking the erstwhile social taboos and allowing, nay compelling, the women to find gainful employment and thus change their low status at home. This has also been one of the aspects emphasised by Urvashi Butalia in her book The Other Side of Silence.

Many of the writers in the book, as indicated earlier, were part of the upper classes and castes and their stories indicate that, when it comes to women, no social privilege helps. The whole male-dominated social structure, some women included, is geared against them. A few males are exceptions but they only thereby prove the rule that women have no one but themselves to win their space, As these stories show, it can be won.

The book is eminently readable and should be followed up by more such.

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A SPACE OF HER OWN
PERSONAL NARRATIVES OF 12 WOMEN

Leela Gulati and Jasodhara Bagchi (ed)
Sage Publications
Price: Rs 340, Pages: 275