There's a common long list of complaints I often hear from parents with respect to their children. He wakes up late, he doesn't read, he's glued to the television screen, he's stuck to his PlayStation, he doesn't exercise, he only wants to eat junk - the list is almost endless.
Very few parents stop to think. Your children are, more often than not, mirror images of you. They do, follow, imitate, think, echo, imagine what you do. There may be an odd exception or two but, by and large, children tend to follow alarmingly close in their parents' footsteps. It is not uncommon for this to hold true even in their professional lives, where one often sees a doctor's son becoming a doctor, an actor's son taking to acting or the son of an army general choosing a career in the forces. I hope your kid doesn't become a columnist.
So, if a child doesn't see his parents read or find himself surrounded by books in a house, there's a good chance he or she may not take to the habit. If however, they have seen books lying on their parent's bedside tables all their lives - even if not today - they will eventually take to it. At some point - and this point may vary for all children - it is quite likely that their curiousity will get the better of them and they may just pick up and glance through that book they see lying around. Similarly, a love for music, art and culture is not always inborn (although talent may well be) - it is simply exposure. Expose them to what you love and they will flock towards it eventually.
If he's stuck to the television, one may need to figure what the parents tend to do when they come home from work. If either of the parents usually "switches off" by watching a few hours of television in the evening or refuses to miss certain shows at specific times, chances are the children will do so too. It is not uncommon to find the entire family watching some show - age appropriate or not - on television while dinner is served to all - at times on trolleys. If that's the accepted norm, then one can't complain because this definitely reduces the scope for conversation around the dinner table. There is no conversation as everyone stares at the same screen.
The same holds true for gadgets, something many parents see as a menace when it comes to their children but not when it comes to their own lives. If your child sees you surrounded and "having an affair" with your gadget - iPad, laptop and smartphone - chances are that he or she will tend to give them the same importance. They too will be unable to do without this or that. It is naïve to expect them to understand that this could lead to any kind of trouble for them as this is what they see their parents do too.
Similarly, it is usually parents who shun exercise who are unable to get their children to play outside or indulge in sports. If it's not something they see and that too consistently, they are unlikely to go and find out for themselves. But if the father plays a sport or loves the outdoor, you will rarely find the child stuck inside - he will simply emulate his father. So if he's a "lazy fellow", well... .
I may be talking about habits but this rule generally holds true for even more serious traits that can shape character. So if your son watches you bribe a traffic policeman or park at the wrong space with scant regard for rules, he will never understand that these are things that should not be done. It's what he has grown up seeing. How can it be wrong?
So, liars, cheaters, thieves, slackers, doers are usually not born - it is rarely something they are born with - but are inculcated or reared. If your child is lying or cheating, there's a good chance that either of his parents - perhaps inadvertently - may have done the same. And, chances are, repeatedly in their presence.
So next time you set out to complain about what he does or doesn't do, take a keen look at yourself first. As far as children are concerned, the only thing that works is leading by example.
anjulibhargava@gmail.com
