Pakistan’s “Social Butterfly” sets the record straight in a frank ‘tit for tit’ with Kishore Singh
Columns make bad books. Period. But every once in a while along comes an exception. Pakistani journalist Moni Mohsin’s weekly diary of the goings on in Pakistan have you chortling with her “Social Butterfly” out to compete with the best and brassiest, her Paklish more sparkling than even the “sequence” joras she wears.
With Random House publishing a selection of the Diary in India, the Butterfly deigns to reply to questions from her home in Pakistan about a decade in the social life and times of that country.
You are writing of these tabahi parties but are there any sophisty readers in Karachi, or Lahore, or even Isloo? Are people in Pakistan as socialist as in India?
What you are saying? Where you are living? Haan? I think so you must be from Mars, Shars, if you think that there are no sophisty readers in Karachi, Lahore or Isloo. One way of counting how many sophistries there are is by using me as your guide: follow me and see where-where I go and who-who I meet. All those I see are sophisties. All those I don’t are not. Simple.
All the time you are putting down Janoo — of course, in India we would call him DJ (uffo! Darlingji!) — but in macho Pakistan how they are letting a lady get away with it?
Who is “they”? I don’t know any “theys” like those.
What is society in Pakistan like? Is it like the parties and people in India?
I think so people are same to same everywhere, no? Especially people like me who are rich and thanks God don’t have to work or think. They must be many like that in India also. After all you all are a billion plus, no? Why don’t you go hang out at some hot parties and report back to me, hmm?
Thanks God you are commenting on all the things that are happening in Pakistan, but is it dangerous? Do you have to wear a burqa over your jora when you go out?
First you are asking me if readers in Isloo and Lahore vaghera are sophisty. Then you are telling me that men in Pakistan are macho and that how they are letting me speak? (As if I was a pet dog they can muzzle whenever they want!) And now you are asking if I am wearing a burqa when I go out? Excuse my saying but you tau sound like a real paindu pastry to me.
Why not come over and see for yourself, yaar, instead of believing all this rubbish-nonsense proper gainda and asking me all these crack questions? And if you have visa shiza ka problem, tau tell me and I’ll pull a few ropes and get it sorted, okay? Just for record, no I don’t wear a burqa and nor does Mummy. And also I say what I want. Of course, you cannot be as sophisty as us if you are wearing jora-shora and all. In India, all socialist people are wearing Western outfits, and then not a lot of that either.
Yes, here too people are sending invitations for formal dinners which say, Dress: Optional. And some people are taking it literary, I mean not wearing anything at all. But, baba, if you ask me, these nanga panga clothes are okay on Kate Morse and Vienna Miller but they make desi ladies look too much like Divine Brown. Mind na karna, but for myself I’m not into the hooker look.
They must be teaching you very nice English in KC but are other people understanding what you are writing? That you are not a joke but very serious?
You think I’m talking rubbish that people are not understanding? Or you think Pakistanis are crack that they are not understanding? Everyone is understanding very well but not getting all sensitive and touching about it. They are just laughing it off like the good spots that they are.
You are only talking of parties and shopping and not of the politics which is bringing such shame to Pakistan.
I damn care about bore politics.
And now you are keeping rozas also. Is it because you are also turning into a zealot or because it is new way to lose weight?
Listen to me: everyone has to go and meet their Maker one day. So you might as well prepare yourself and go slim and smart and super modelish, no? Never know who you might bump into at the doors of heaven. . .
You have been writing the column since 2001. It is difficult being original all the time, so what do you you do to avoid being repetitive?
Watch and listen very carefully to what people are saying all the time, that way you learn something new every day. Take me now: I’m best eve dropper in town.
Anyways, you can come to my home any time you come to Khan Market for shopping, in return I will give you all the goss in India, even meet-sheet some celebration people. Who would you like to meet?
Hai sho shweet of you. Chalo, then, I’ll come in December and you line up Shobha Day for me and Prameshwhatever Godrej who are ladies after my own heart. But also I want to meet Sonia Gandhi. She is Italian, no? Maybe she can arrange some discount for me at Goochy shops . . .
THE DIARY OF A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY
AUTHOR: Moni Mohsin
PUBLISHER: Random House
PRICE: Rs 195
PAGES: 228
