Here is one of your last chances to be part of an opinion poll. Who knows how soon the favourite pre-poll activity of election watchers will be consigned to the junkyard heap of discarded democratic practices. So take this Unnao-style golden opportunity and dig deep within yourself to think and find the golden answers. Use a black pen to tick your choice of answers and send them to the Election Decommission of India, with copies marked to the Misinformation and Narrowcasting Ministry.
1. Who will you vote for in the 2014 Lok Sabha elections from your state?
a. RaGa b. NaMo c. LoBa d. Nota
2. Who is your choice as prime minister of the country after the general elections?
a. RaGa b. NaMo c. LoBa
d. Nota
3. Who do you think is able to enunciate future policies better?
a. RaGa b. NaMo c. LoBa d. Nota
5. What leadership attributes of a candidate will influence your vote?
a. Must be born with a silver teaspoon in his mouth
b. Must be seller of tea
c. Must drink tea for hours instead of signing files
d. Nota
6. What issues will you consider as being of most importance in your choice of prime minister?
a. Colour of kurta
b. Knowledge of cuss words
c. Facial hair
d. Nota
7. What issues will you consider as being the least important in your choice of prime minister?
a. Candidate's grasp of Indian history
b. Candidate's grasp of economic policies
c. Candidate's grasp of electricity pricing norms
d. Nota
8. A prime ministerial candidate should be able to …
a. Stun everyone by usurping someone's press conference to castigate party leaders
b. Announce he has rescued thousands from disaster-hit mountains
c. Make a series of under-the-belt remarks and leave it to their underlings to clarify the misquotes
d. Nota
9. What sort of phrases can most rouse you into rushing to the polling booth?
a. Khooni panja se bachana
b. Feku number one
c. Escape velocity of Jupiter
d. Madam bimar hai toh bachche ko kaam do
10. What do you think should be done with opinion polls?
a. Ban them and reward those who ban them with the Bharat Ratna
b. Don't ban them, but use them selectively to prove your party is the winner
c. Let Arnab Goswami decide whether the country wants to know if opinion polls should be banned
d. Nota
Note: Abbreviations used:
RaGa = Ramrajya Galvaniser; NaMo=Nation's Motivator; LoBa= Local Bahubali; Nota=Nothing outlined that's attractive
Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities joel.rai@bsmail.in
