It's a bull market if the analyst takes a deep breath, runs his mind quickly across 1985, 1992, 2000 and says, "But it is different this time."
It's a bull market if the MD is talking to you but looking at the CNBC ticker.
It's a bull market if your son asks you for the meaning of 'support' and you confuse him with trend lines and candlesticks.
It's a bull market if your sense of time evolves from 'I knew her from the time she was this small' to 'It was in those days when Webel-SL was only Rs 5...'
It's a bull market when your broker says, "Lai liyo baapa, share jowa nahin maley!"
It's a bull market if you discover a sudden respect for the middle-level accountant of a publicly listed company and suffix his name with a 'ji'.
It's a bull market if every analyst advises caution but adds, "However, in the long term we are bullish."
It's a bull market if you're suddenly discovered on the social circuit because you happen to be the husband of the wife who is a niece of the person who was a friend of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala's father 30 years ago.
It's a bull market if people call you up to discuss the weather, the pollution, the nation, the Marxists and inevitably end up with, "Kuch khareedne laayak?"
It's a bull market if everyone is convinced that the country has a great future but will still call you as soon as the market melts three per cent and ask, "Badhoo baraabar, ney?"
It's a bull market if a Rs 10 crore profit becomes a Rs 15 crore profit quarter-on-quarter and you sneer dismissively, "Kuch ho nahin raha hai!"
It's a bull market if you disinvest big time but prefer to leave the surplus with the broker saying, "Aaakhir aapko hi toh mujhe dena hai."
It's a bull market if you apply the ROI (return on investment) concept to everything your wife says you need at home and grumble: "Yaad hai, if we had not bought the microwave oven but bought Saboo Sodium stock, today you would have been a queen riding an Alto..."
It's a bull market if you see 25-year-olds trade derivatives arrogantly and come away feeling that you need to read Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning all over again.
It's a bull market if you encounter a new species of professional who only works five days a week from 9.55 to 3.30 and responds to everything with 'Jalsaa chhey!'
It's a bull market when housewives discover an undiscovered part of their personalities in the 90 minutes between putting the tadka on the daalm and picking pappu up from school by calling the broker and asking "Tewariji, aaj kya naya hai?"
It's a bull market when the Opinion Democratisation Index peaks, usually manifested in 23-year-olds dismissing companies with a 10 per cent increase in earnings as 'chors'.
It's a bull market when you ask why Prism Cement will go to Rs 81 and the answer is 'Kyonki website pey likha hain'.
It's a bull market if Enam puts out a research report indicating that the stock could double in a year and you say 'Bus?'
It's a bull market when the management is explaining its restructuring, business model and sustainability agenda and the analyst simply wants to know 'Lekin EPS kya aayega?'
It's a bull market if the wife starts getting suspicious about an sms every two minutes on your cell phone, sneaks a look when you go to the loo, only to find 'Buy Nifty futures'.
It's a bull market when you get a call from someone who you thought was a proud father of an MBA graduate but insists, "Aap mere bete ko aap ke under mein le leejiye, aadmi ban jaayega!"
It's a bull market when people don't have more than Rs 223 in their pocket but discuss stake sales and numbers ending six zeroes.
It's a bull market when you find it difficult to go on a vacation because somewhere deep inside you nurse the feeling that an unattended market might do something stupid behind your back.
It's a bull market when Nandigram seems a 'jhanjhat' and Myanmar monks irrelevant.
It's a bull market when a company with a turnover of Rs 1300 crore announces an expansion of Rs 16,000 crore, issues a statement, cuts ribbons and is photographed alongside the CM and all the hard work being put in by some outstanding business leaders suddenly looks like poultry raw material.
It's a bull market when you read the front page of the pink papers and realise how small you are.
It's a bull market if your daughter mentions 'Let us take a break' and your first recall is interrupted hours of trading due to the sun outage.
It's a bull market when you get irritable on Saturday and Sunday.
It's a bull market when you read a column like this and say, "What? No tip?" and hiss that your time was bloody wasted.
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