How to stay a close-knit family

Parenting Avenues

Today's parents, even the most liberal ones, will blanch if they hear their children humming Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall II".

And bringing up children the right way is becoming modern parenting's single biggest problem.

With families becoming nuclear, there is no grandmother's advice to fall back on. This is especially true for families where both husband and wife work.

"If you have young children at home, proritise," says Bhavna Barmi, clinical psychologist, Escorts Heart Institute and Research Centre, Delhi.

"One should clearly demarcate the workplace and home. When you return home, be a part of the family."

Lack of emotional sustenance leads to a host of adjustment problems among children. The first signs that things are not okay are very palpable.

Watch out if there any behavioural changes in your child "" such as sudden mood swings and a tendency to brood. Also keep an eye on a sudden fall in the child's academic standards. "These are some of the early signs among children," explains Barmi.

Besides prioritising between work and family, she lists some dos for working parents:

Don't bring work home; at home spend as much time as possible with your children.

Delegate responsibility. Have some sort of a helper; after coming back from work. A mother should not spend most of her time in the kitchen.

Have something called "me" time "" a short period of time to destress and rejuvenate oneself through meditation or yoga

Spend quality time with your family

Try to have one meal with the family

Keep communication channels open; talk to your child regularly; ask about his/her friends, school, and interests.

Try to go out on vacations together. Not the weekend resort types but at least a 10-day long one where the family can bond together. The whole point being to see that your child feels emotionally tied to his/her parents.

Regarding boarding schools, Barmi is clear that sending away a child before he/she reaches emotional balance is asking for trouble.

"Children reach some sort of emotional equilibrium by 10," she says. "It is only then they have the cognitive ability to understand why they are being sent away."

The major problems that children who are sent to hostels at a rather early age suffer from are conduct related, which might later on lead to anxiety and depression.

But if there is disharmony or neglect at home, it is better to send of the child to a boarding school.

The controlled and monitored environs of a hostel is a better bet than a home where parents keep fighting.

"Parental guidance, especially during the first few years, is extremely important for a child to grow up to be a social being," says Barmi.

"The child should feel loved and cared for; but beware of over indulgence," Barmi adds.