Geetanjali Krishna: For better or for worse

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After all, how long can a woman stay away from her man?" Bimla Amma was telling me the story of the reconciliation of Shashi, her daughter, with her husband Sunil, after a two-year separation.

When Sunil left her, Shashi had a six-month-daughter in her arms: "He said he wanted to remarry," she'd told me, explaining why they had separated, "he basically wanted a woman who won't nag him about his drinking and who was content to stay within the confines of her home!"

In contrast, Shashi had that get up and go which just didn't allow her to sit idle. She took up work in a local creche, earning as much as Sunil did as an office peon.

"He just couldn't stand my working," Shashi confessed, adding, "yet, he would keep saying that the reason we were not well off was that my mother had not given his family the dowry that had been initially agreed upon."

Shashi argued that if her mother, a widow crippled with asthma, had not provided for her "" she herself was more than capable of providing for herself and her family.

Her husband thought it shameful that his wife should go out of the house to work. Their arguments soon turned violent, and finally, Sunil, full of self-righteousness, abandoned her and began living with another woman.

With her six-month-old daughter in tow, Shashi just refused to give up. She carried on working in the creche, and began taking up whatever freelance work she could, to ensure that her daughter and she could live comfortably.

"Then, I arrived to add to her burdens," said Bimla Amma tearfully, "my asthma had become so bad, I couldn't work anymore, and I just didn't get along with my son's wife. So I was forced to let my daughter support me." Shashi was uncomplaining; instead she just took up a part time job in the morning to supplement her income.

"In our culture, parents should not even drink water in their daughter's house. But in my experience, it's daughters who give unconditional affection, and come to one's aid in times of adversity. Sons are just not the same once they get married!" said Bimla Amma.

So when recently, Sunil's brother approached Bimla Amma to get the estranged couple reconciled, everybody assumed that she wouldn't be very enthusiastic about it "" it would mean that she would again be left to the tender mercies of her son.

"But it is my duty to ensure that my daughter returns to her real home," said Amma, "and I had to really scold her before she agreed to go!" Apparently, Shashi was scared of Sunil's violence, but her mother convinced her that it was the way most men were made.

I asked Bimla Amma whether she worried about how Sunil would treat her daughter and granddaughter. "Oh but they are not going to live with him right now!" she replied. Puzzled, I asked her to explain.

"Actually, he didn't want her back even now. But his elder brother agreed to let Shashi live with them," said she.

How could she allow Shashi to return to a husband who didn't want her? I asked in astonishment. "Shashi said the same thing but I forced her to go. I told her, endear yourself to your in-laws, and stay there for a few months. Once you're there, he's bound to accept you as his wife again," said she, adding, "after all, how long can a man stay away from his wife?"