My son was quite intrigued by his grade-six lesson on stereotypes and discrimination. “Women,” said he, quite “my book tells me, are gentle creatures who stay at home and rear children while fathers go out to earn...” Times, said I to him, were a-changing and gender roles had obviously been re-written long after his text book had been written. However, days later, I realised that just like his social studies textbook, Indian courts have a similar approach to issues of custody and divorce. Theoretically, the law is impartial towards both parents and is supposed to concern itself primarily with the child’s welfare. In practice, however, the old stereotype of the mother being the best person to bring up and nurture a child, invariably surfaces.
Evidently, what Indian courts and school textbooks need to realise is the fact that nobody likes being straitjacketed into a stereotype. Just as there are many mothers who exercise their freedom to work and establish careers, there are fathers who’d dearly like to take on greater parental responsibilities. Recently, I chatted with Mehul Mehta, a Mumbai-based father and founder-member of Children in the Centre (CITC) about this. The urge to contribute more to their children’s well-being has brought all sorts of non-custodial parents under the umbrella of CITC — it has stock brokers, admen, IT professionals, call centre executives and many more. “We even have woman members who have lost custody of their children because the Muslim personal law favours men,” said he.
CITC members, said Mehta, would like to challenge the gender-based roles they’ve been slotted in, and are chafing under the arbitrary custodial directives issued to them by the court. “Many of us are willing to work from home, and indeed, for professionals like stockbrokers, writers and IT people, this is no great sacrifice. We’re seeing gender roles changing in front of our eyes — why should our child custody laws not recognise this fact?” said Mehta. This is obviously a ripe subject, for since its inception, CITC has received countless emails and letters of support. “Many are tales of personal tragedy — fathers who need a court order to talk to their children on the phone, mothers who’ve not seen their children for years … and at the centre of it all, children suffering because they’ve been deprived of the nurturing from a natural parent,” said he.
What, I asked Mehta, were the changes CITC would like to see in the legal system’s understanding of these delicate issues? “We have collated data and case histories from 13 countries, and have seen that the world over, courts grant joint custody to divorcing parents, unless there’s any abuse involved. Currently in India, however, the law clearly states that in ordinary circumstances, the custody of a child younger than five will be given to the mother,” said he. Joint custody will serve, CITC believes, the child’s best interests, ensuring s/he receives attention from both natural parents. Second, CITC is advocating that children of divorcing parents should go through mandatory, extensive counseling. “Presently, there’s no dedicated facility where affected children can receive the counselling and guidance they desperately need,” said he. Third, the divorcing parents must undergo compulsory workshops to sensitise them towards handling their children and their questions. “Our aim is to make process of divorce as easy for the children as possible,” said Mehta.
I thought about divorce and its unintended collateral damage long after talking to Mehta. His parting words lingered even longer: He told me that whenever he said goodbye to his child, there was one thing he made sure he said: “Papa may not live with you, but he’s always there…”
