| Since my wife travels frequently on work, she likes to keep tabs on us, long-distance. The cook forms her intelligence squad who'll report on such misdemeanours as the number of times the kids ate their meals in front of the TV, or perhaps how I went to sleep at night without bothering to switch off the lights. |
| "Why did you have three drinks last night?" she'll ask. "But I didn't have a drink at all," I'll explain, "I was at a play..." "...and left the kids alone," she'll retort. Somehow, it's easier being nagged when she's home then when she isn't. |
| So, last night, when she called on the cell, it was to ask what the noise was in the background. "It isn't noise," I explained, "it's music. |
| I'm having dinner with your best friend Sarla, who's invited some Sanawarians home because our friend who's in Romania, or London or, at any rate, some foreign country, is in town and we're to meet." "How dare she invite you and not me?" seethed my wife. "Anyway, I want to know everyone who's at the party." |
| "Actually," I said, "it's a very funny party because before they called me home, Sarla and her husband, and the rest of the Sanawarians, met at a bar and it seems they've had a lot to drink, because they're giggling excessively and don't appear to be talking sense." |
| "Well, I'm sure you won't want to behave like them, so I suggest you only have a soft drink or two. Thankfully," she said, "I'm not there, so I can enjoy a glass of wine in peace." |
| I thought it unfair that she should have a drink and not I, so I didn't think it imperative to tell her I already had a drink in my hand. "Anyway," I said, "after all that excessive drinking, they're sitting around and drinking some more, so dinner will probably be served late." "You poor dear," said my wife, "how badly Sarla's treating you. |
| Why don't I tell her that she should give you something to eat before the others so you can go back home to mind the children?" |
| "You can't do that," I explained, "because it would seem, having consumed a large number of vodkas somewhat rapidly on an empty stomach, she seems to have lost her equilibrium, and is now fast asleep." |
| "You mean to say," gasped my wife, "that my wife Sarla invited you to dinner but has rudely gone to sleep. So, what are you boys up to then?" "Well," I said, "to begin with, we aren't just the boys." "Oh," said my wife, "who else is there?" "Actually," I said, "just one of the girls from our batch, though the way she's behaving after all that alcohol, she sounds more like a guttersnipe having a bad-hair day." |
| "I'll bet I know who that is," said my wife, "it's that girl from your batch who is rather plump." "She is that," I agreed, "but that's all right, none of the chaps are beanpoles either, I being the only exception." |
| "You mean, the trio is there?" asked my wife. I conceded that the trio was indeed there with a collective weight of 450-odd kilos between them. |
| "Everyone always knew," said my wife, "that all Sanawarians are fatheads, but now it seems that they're just fat." |
| "That's hardly fair," I protested, "I'm a Sanawarian too, but no one can accuse me of being fat." "That's only because you were a part-time Sanawarian," explained my wife, "which probably also explains why you're only a part-time fathead. |
| And that," she continued, "is why I don't want you hanging around there to put weight on so, whether you've had dinner or not, it's time you went home to bed." |
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