Kishore Singh: Non-voting issues

My dear Vajpayeeji,
I know you lost because of my wife and her best friend Sarla, but I hope you won't hold a grudge for too long. I told her she should vote for you, but where do wives listen to their husbands? Not that you'd know, seeing as how you're a bachelor.

But my wife's friend Sarla believes only the Gandhi family should lead the country. And though my wife and I exchanged harsh words, she said she would vote for Sonia, and what was wrong about being Italian seeing how we all love Italian food which is a bigger favourite than even Chinese food.

But maybe you shouldn't be too upset with her since, finally, she didn't vote for Sonia. In fact, she didn't vote at all. When I asked her why she wasn't going to exercise her ballot, she said it was too hot outside, and how did it matter who won since nobody had bothered to ask her what she wanted.

"What do you want?" I asked her on your behalf, so she said, "I need more money so I can buy a farmhouse, but what with the taxes, and the price of real-estate, and the hassle of finding somebody to fix the electricity meter so the aircondioning doesn't cost a bomb, I think they should offer concessions to people like us."

Anyway, now you know already, seeing as how you're going to be sitting in the opposition, that if you'd made electricity meter-tampering easier instead of importing those new foolproof systems, you might still have been prime minister.

Everyone's saying they have nothing against you personally, which is the kind of sycophantic things people say about politicans who might still come back to power, but what with the cost of living following reforms (that made you want to buy all those things that are now available in India), you should have seen it coming.

I didn't cast my vote either though I did set out to, but it was really hot and if I'd suffered a sunstroke, how would that have helped you? But seeing how I was with you, you can take it as a vote cast.

My kids tell me since you'll find time hanging heavy on your hands now, you might consider coming home to borrow books, or just chat, and my wife can explain she meant no harm when she didn't vote for you. For, as she'll tell you, she didn't vote for Sonia either, and look where that still got her.

Yours etc

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My dear Soniaji,
I'm writing so you know had my wife found her bottle of suntan lotion, she would definitely have gone to cast her vote for you, so even though she didn't, you have her to thank for winning. Oh, and her friend Sarla who thinks its the coolest thing you're Italian.

"Which other country would have a foreigner hold such high office?" she's gloating. I know others are asking the same question but they don't mean it the same way Sarla does.

Just so you know, Sarla thinks you should lead the country because life's been rough for you, and because Rahul's cute just like his father.

"But what about experience, or government policy?" I asked her. "Policy-sholicy," she said dismissively, "which government has one? What we need is a good-looking leader." "Maybe our Miss Indias should be PM then," I retorted, but I didn't mean anything personally. Everyone knows you're brighter than that.

Besides, it wasn't just my wife, I take some of the credit for your win too. If I'd voted for Vajpayee, you might have lost, so staying home helped me help you. Hope you'll remember that should we meet some time.

Yours etc