Kishore Singh: Not my brother-in-law

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By the strangest of coincidences, when my brother in Jaipur who is my wife's brother-in-law hosted a party there, it seemed that almost without exception, there were brothers-in-law in attendance with other brothers-in-law, so everyone seemed to be introducing their brothers-in-law to more brothers-in-law.

There was my elder brother, and also my younger brother, whom my wife introduced to her brother who was visiting from Mumbai as her brothers-in-law. But since her brother was my brother-in-law, I returned the favour by introducing him to my brother's brother-in-law who was an immigrant at the party from Indore. But the brother-in-law from Indore had with him another brother-in-law who was not my brother. Because he did not tell us his name, we were grateful we could at least identify him as my wife's brother-in-law's brother-in-law's brother-in-law.

By the most curious coincidence, my brother-in-law ran into his brother-in-law who, as it happened, was not me but another brother-in-law who turned out to be my brother-in-law as well. For some time, it seemed like an incestuous meeting of brothers-in-law, but there were several among us who didn't know the other brothers-in-law present at all.

It got a little confusing when my brother said his brother-in-law had cooked the biryani, when we thought it was his brother-in-law who might have had something to do with it. One brother-in-law was the bartender for the evening, another sat in a corner and sulked, yet another did all the talking, and everyone shook hands and said they hadn't been to a party where everyone present was everyone else's brother-in-law.

"When I told my brother's brother-in-law that my brother-in-law had been posted out, my other brother-in-law promptly denied he was going anywhere. Some sat silently, others talked vociferously, and two of them exchanged gossip on shikar and guns. When my brother's wife asked, "Where's my brother-in-law?", three gentlemen were propped up for her scrutiny but didn't meet with her approval. "Who's your brother-in-law?" my younger brother asked her in exasperation. "I think it's your elder brother," she said, pointing towards me. "But my younger brother is also your brother-in-law," I corrected her. And so, brothers-in-arms, we also became brothers-in-laws-arms.

Since one of my wife's brother-in-laws was the host, and the other a guest, she decided it prudent that they should get to know each other better. "Have you met my brother-in-law?" my brother said to my brother-in-law. "No," he replied, "but have you met my brother-in-law?" "And that," said the host's brother-in-law, "is my brother-in-law." "And this," pointed out the guest's brother-in-law, "is my brother-in-law."

Later, much later, when the guests had gone home, and we were sitting around discussing the party, my wife asked: "Who was that person who left all his food uneaten in his plate?" "I thought it was your brother-in-law," said my brother's wife. "No, no," said my wife, "one of my brother-in-laws had several helpings and finished everything, and the other brother-in-law is your husband who ate nothing at all." "Maybe," said my brother turning to me, "It was your brother-in-law." "Impossible," I told him, "it must have been your's."

Finally, we didn't know whose brother-in-law it was who got drunk, and whose had nothing to drink; whose it was who stubbed his smokes out in the carpet, and which brother-in-law threw glasses from the balcony at a stray below. However, we all decided to reconcile these differences by agreeing on a decision: "Let's not have any more brothers-in-law at parties any more," said my wife. "Agreed," said my brother's wife, and promptly asked her brothers-in-law to leave.