Kishore Singh: Spirited family

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My natal family is usually a taciturn one "" speaking strictly only when spoken to, and then, only briefly. It is completely possible to spend an evening with any one of them without exchanging a word beyond the mandatory hellos and good-byes. Nor does the silence weigh too heavily, as everyone smiles beatifically, and then someone punctuates the gloom with an energetic, "So, what else?" which, of course, no one deigns to reply to.

Its other distinctive trait is a relationship with alcohol that makes the usually reserved clan behave in ways that are quite inexplicable.

Which is why I was having a tough time explaining to my mother-in-law in Jaipur why we were so late returning from a cousin's wedding reception. After all, we were not the baraatis, but the ladkiwallahs who were only called to the reception to put in an obligatory appearance, not make ourselves at home.

But that was before the bar was thrown open. In my family's defense, I could say it was very cold at the farm, and the first drinks went down quicker than they should have, and the hosts were exceedingly, well, hospitable.

"But didn't your mother want to come back earlier than most others?" asked mom-in-law. "Er, no," I hedged, "you see the baraat had stayed till three in the morning the previous night, so the clan had decided to pay it back in the same coin." "By drinking till three?" asked my mother-in-law, no mean tippler herself. "Well, there were the snacks..." I said lamely. "You mean, no one had eaten till then?" she asked in growing horror. "Oh no," I answered, "even though all the other guests had eaten and gone back home."

"What about your middle aunt," mum-in-law asked, "surely she wanted to eat?" "Not really," I replied, "even though I had her meal served, she had the plate sent back. You see, she was having a tough time staying upright." And because some more explanation was required, I added: "After she fell down, pulling three chairs over her, I think she preferred to sit rather than stand."

"Why didn't your other cousin escort you all home?" queried mom-in-law; "after all, he lives in Jaipur and his reputation was at stake." "I don't think he was thinking particularly well last night," I explained, "because he was more than a little unsteady on his feet, In fact," I continued, "I'm glad he didn't drive home that night, though his wife must have been worried because he couldn't be found, and no one knew where he'd disappeared till the morning after."

My mother-in-law said a silent prayer at such goings on. "What the children must have thought," she exclaimed. "I suspect very little," I assured her, because someone had been doctoring all the soft drinks, so they weren't in too keen a condition themselves."

"Still," said ma-in-law, "I would have expected you to return at a sober hour." "Oh, I would have," I pointed out, "only with one of the relatives throwing up at the farm, the only one among us who knew the way back left in some hurry, and I took a wrong turn on the highway, and since all the other guests were following my car, it was a good while before we realised we were lost; then there was no turn, and by the time we could ask for directions, some other cars had disappeared..."

"I hope this is the last time I shall see such shocking behaviour in this house," my wife's mother admonished me. "I'm afraid I can't promise that yet," I said, "because, you see, I have these other cousins' marriages coming up where the family will want to, er, party again."