<b>Kishore Singh:</b> Tied up in knots over a bow tie

Bergdorf Goodman is located one block from the hotel, a stone's throw from my office in New York, and I had an appointment there that I intended to break - not without some trepidation. Earlier in the day, having resisted the impulse to flee while another gentleman was being waited upon, I had secured a meeting just ahead of an important dinner where I intended to wear a bow tie. Which was proving harder than I had imagined because, it seems, Manhattan's best are less savvy than they might first appear.

I had hoped colleagues at the workplace would bail me out, but they'd never themselves worn bow ties, at least not the kind that didn't come without elastic bands. As one after the other shrugged his shoulders, I could sense my despair. The Thomas Pink bow tie came with instructions that made as much sense as assembling a computer. "Start forming one section of bow with thumb and forefinger," it advised helpfully but not usefully. "Hold this with thumb and forefinger of left hand and drop long end over it." Really? By the time I got to "Even ends and tighten", I thought I was going to asphyxiate myself, but was no closer to forming a reasonable bow.
 

Charles Brunold from Louis Purple Inc, actor Jesse Taylor Ferguson, Mike French, Josh Ward "for dummies", Charles Gonsalves and other assorted teachers on YouTube were no more successful with their instructions, and all I achieved for my efforts were wrinkles in my substitute bow tie. I don't do shoelaces well either, but when it came to bow ties, I was clearly all thumbs. They made it look easy, but my attempts resembled a badly bandaged patient. "Check with the concierge of your hotel," friends urged me. Sound advice, I thought, surely these timeshare butlers knew a trick or two when it came to tying the perfect bow tie.

I should have anticipated trouble when the concierge desk turned out to be manned by women. "We used to have someone who did bow ties," giggled Elina. "Yeah," added Edith, "he was good." He was also missing. Surely someone in the hotel knew how to tie a bow, I pleaded. Front office was called in, then the back office, accounts and sundry other departments, all of them scratching their heads at the problem, but unable to promise a solution. Manhattan's best, it turned out, didn't know as much about dressing up as one might have fancied. But they did offer a recommendation - the tie department at Bergdorf Goodman could be relied on for its most excellent service.

The tie department turned out to be beyond jackets and suits, past jewellery, and attended by assistants who looked like they'd been supplied by Hollywood's casting department. Yes, they would oblige, should I care to return in the evening, I was assured, did I already own a bow tie? "Maybe I ought to buy one as a goodwill gesture," I told my wife, who warned that I might be better off shopping in the women's bag department. "Will I need to tip them," I enquired of a friend - they looked more intimidating than friendly, after all - and received affirmation and a recommendation the price of a premium bottle of champagne. But in the end, I stood the good folk at Bergdorf Goodman up, all because a waiter volunteered to help. And proceeded to do without favour or fuss for the handsome sum of $10 what had been stymieing the good citizenry of Manhattan.