I’m not a keen subscriber to WhatsApp groups where someone thinks to include you usually without your permission, thereby making it seem rude when you exercise your right to exit. I’ve annoyed various family groups, neighbours, colleagues and school friends by signing out, since estrangement on a social site is a public announcement. Normally, I might have stayed put and lain low if it wasn’t for strident messages urging some response to a particularly low example of scatological humour.
But there is one group I’m devoted to for its instructive ways on keeping cool in the dead heat of an incredibly hot summer. Scrolling down the messages, there are some conversational gems I’ve discovered: “If you want to stay cool (without spending a fortune), carry a book and a flask of cold coffee to any mall as soon as it opens,” one advised. “That way, you can find a convenient bench on which to spread your things so you have it to yourself. It’s amazing how fast you learn to ignore other shoppers while you continue reading. But go easy on the coffee, or else a visit to the washroom will cost you your place.” Other options the writer offered: hotel lobbies, hospital coffee shops, airport lounges (“provided you can fake a ticket or an identity”), corporate offices (“simply pretend you’ve been waiting for somebody, occasionally looking at your watch in irritation”), movie theatres (but how many movies can you watch?), spas.
“My preference,” a friend responded, “is a bar (a beer goes a long way, provided you nurse it along and ask for it to be served in a pint bottle over a bed of ice), or a hotel coffee shop (simply keep returning the coffee saying it was served cold, Can you change it please? — I once sent back six cups of coffee over five hours without paying for a single one), or the tonier couture brands where they’ll pamper you while you try on clothes for the better part of an entire afternoon (I once tried on 47 dresses before rejecting them all).”
Others offered simpler, more practical solutions: “Keep your clothes in the fridge and change often.” (My wife already does this, which is why she also smells of curry.) “Pour ice in the bathtub and immerse yourself in it.” (I was going to try this but the dog beat me to it.) “Have an ice massage.” (Really? That’s just creepy.) “Wear wet clothes.” (But only if you have a flattering figure and aren’t hairy.) “Spend a day in the car with the air conditioner running.” (Sarla tried this but with the neighbour’s car and was arrested for her troubles.)
Can you truly keep cool when it’s so hot in Delhi? “Take ice water showers with a fan running in the bathroom,” one member advised. It sounded like a recipe for hypothermia but the excessive humidity turned the experiment — of course, I attempted it — into a sauna. Cooling foods? Don’t fool yourself — no matter what you eat, you’ll break out in a sweat. Swimming? That’s like a community steam bath. Another member wrote that she spent a whole day and night at the neighbourhood five-star, using their public facilities (and pinched soap bars and jars of moisturising lotion) while surviving on a club sandwich that she consumed layer by layer. She might have done better contacting Sarla who’d booked a suite for the WhatsApp group at the same hotel to which everyone contributed, thus turning a cool idea into an all-expenses-paid weekend escape.
Disclaimer: These are personal views of the writer. They do not necessarily reflect the opinion of www.business-standard.com or the Business Standard newspaper
