Charlie Kaufman: The book has no story. There's no story.
Marty: Alright. Make one up.
(From Charlie Kaufman’s 2002 screenplay for adaptation)
(Act One, Scene One: Filmmaker Vidhu Vinod Chopra is at a press conference.)
Mediaperson: Mr Chopra, since you’d bought the rights to Chetan Bhagat’s Five Point Someone, why couldn’t you have credited him properly — even if Abhijat Joshi’s screenplay changes the story radically and adds much more to Bhagat’s original premise?
VVC: Shut up! (Aide whispers nervously into VVC’s ear.) Er-sorry. That was from last week’s script.
(Scene Two: Next door. Bestselling author Chetan Bhagat is at a press conference.)
Mediaperson: Mr Bhagat, given that 3 Idiots takes only a few basic plot points from Five Point Someone, and that there are significant changes from your novel, and that much of the film is about the lives of the main characters once they leave college — in a departure from the book — aren’t you really just asking for your name to be up in a bigger font at the start of the film?
CB: I’m asking for credit. I mention 42 exams and 16 broken bones in my book. There are 42 exams and 16 broken bones in the film. My name should be up there in at least a 42-point font size, not hidden right at the end behind the technicians and the spotboys, like I’m any old five-point someone.
Mediaperson: Or a 16-point font size.
CB: Or a 16-point… don’t confuse the issue. It’s hard to be serious about copyright and literary paternity when you’re talking about a masala film and the perfectly passable pulp fiction bestseller that was its inspiration, but it’s worth a shot. If nothing else, the current TV soap opera starring the makers of 3 Idiots and the author of Five Point Someone has made copyright a front-of-the-mind issue for the general public.
The facts aren’t that complicated. Chetan Bhagat became the first IWE mainstream popular author to count his sales in the millions rather than the thousands with the success of Five Point Someone. He now has a loyal following and despite the occasional debacle on Twitter, does a fairly good job in terms of the care and feeding of his thousands of fans.
Five Point Someone was optioned some years ago by the team that made the popular film 3 Idiots, which includes Vidhu Vinod Chopra, actor Aamir Khan, screenplay writer Abhijat Joshi and director Rajinder Hirani. Bhagat says he was upset when he watched the film with his family and discovered that he wasn’t credited as the writer; instead, he and his book received a tiny mention in the credits that roll at the end of the film. He wants to be recognised as the author of the book that inspired 3 Idiots, as is standard practice in the film industry worldwide — except for Bollywood.
The 3 Idiots team has issued contradictory statements; Aamir Khan said he hadn’t read the book, Vidhu Vinod Chopra accused Bhagat of trying to ride on the film’s success, and there is little doubt that the final adaptation is very different from Five Point Someone. But Bollywood’s culture isn’t given to either recognising originality or crediting authors for the inspiration they often provide — borrowing and recycling plots and storylines is considered acceptable. As the old saying goes, it isn’t plagiarism if you don’t get caught.
There are three possible solutions. Instead of threatening to sue Chetan Bhagat, it would be far more civilised to acknowledge his contribution. There’s even a standard formula for this: “Based on the novel by X, original screenplay and adaptation by Y.” The second solution is something Bollywood really should have implemented a long time ago, which is to institute an award for Best Unoriginal Screenplay. And the third is offered below.
(A cinema hall, with 3 Idiots playing on the screen. The opening credits are scrolling past. A sweet, middle-aged lady — Chetan Bhagat’s mother — stands up in Row K.)
Chetan Bhagat’s mother: There, beta! It was there for one-fifth of a second.
CB: Where? Where? I saw nothing, Mummy.
CB’s mother: Here it comes again — sorry, that’s one-seventeenth of a second… hmmm. It’s that subliminal-schmubliminal advertising your uncleji was talking about.
(Long pause. The credits continue to roll on. “Directed by” and “Produced by” linger for quite a while.) CB’s mother: There you are again! One-twentieth of a second, but beta, this time the font is much bigger.
CB: (Hopefully) How much bigger?
CB’s mother: Oh, giant-sized. For one-twentieth of a second, your name was up there in lights. Three-feet high letters, beta!
CB: Three-feet high! That’s more than 42 points! And they said…?
CB’s mother: Based on the novel by …well, I couldn’t really see your name, it went by too fast. But it was there.
CB: (Dreamily) Three. Feet. High.
Audience (in chorus): Madam, please sit down. Movie’s started.
From the back row, Vidhu Vinod Chopra’s voice rises: Shut up, everybody.
