I have received word that the animal home where we used to leave our dog when we went on a holiday is excited. It had fallen upon hard times but suddenly spirits have lifted with prospects emerging for a new line of business.
They are passing the topee around to collect enough to start a photographic studio (there is enough space on their sprawling idyllic farm) to first record the images of cows and then the myriad other animals whose owners or the authorities need their pictures. The idea has come from the decision of the police in Maharashtra's Malegaon to photograph cows in an attempt to track them better and so prevent their killing.
Two thoughts have emboldened the animal home people. Photography, in full colour, is now dirt cheap. All you need is a digital point-and-shoot device and a computer to store the images. No more of having to get a film developed and prints made by paying through your nose. Besides, this new business can be very steady as there can be both private and official revenue streams.
First, those who want their domestic animals protected will happily pay for their pictures. Second, there is enormous possibility of landing a government contract to, say, photograph all cows, stray and owned, in an area. As to why should this animal home people get the contract (what will be the eligibility criteria?), they are quick to point out: try getting hold of a wary cow who does not like the look of a camera; only expert cow handlers can make them pose properly.
Once the imagination runs wild, just as the most docile cow can bolt at the drop of a nothing, there is no end to new ideas. The computer-savvy youngsters who are the smart kids in the surrounding semi-urban community see unlimited possibility in the business of electronic tracking. If you want to prevent the disappearance of any cow in a neighbourhood the only way to do so will be to install closed-circuit televisions (CCTVs) at important public places, for cows, that is, and also at key smuggling points at the borders of the village where the gullies offer excellent cover. If any cow is seen to be leaving via one of these routes and its image is in the village's centralised database, then you can set off an alarm.
But, as you will guess, there is groupism everywhere, even among computer-savvy cow-loving youngsters in a semi-urban area, and one group, sulking at the other having taken the initiative by suggesting the CCTV thing, came up with what looked like an unanswerable question: where can we buy the software to match the images of different cows to know who is who?
When the elders were reluctantly getting ready to give up the whole idea of cow recognition, the rebel group came up with its own solution. Till such time when you can get such software, volunteers can track movement sitting in the monitoring room. All you need is a knowledge of the looks of local cows for someone to yell: "Aare, that is the gai from the second gullee behind the big pond." The conflict between the two warring groups immediately disappeared as the elders seemed to like the idea and the prospects of youngsters keeping an eye on the monitors and earning a little emerged.
The first group, still eager to show that they were not lacking in high-tech ideas, then came up with what was seen all round as a trump card. They were in touch with those who read the angrezi papers and declared with all the aplomb they could muster: why not have Aadhaar cards for our cows?
This really stumped everybody, including those of the rival group. Was there any way of not supporting such a brainwave? But fertile young minds with a minimum of sparring skills will come up with ideas come what may and their leader declared with as much of a sense of importance as he could muster: this is fine, but we need to sort out one or two problems.
Then, with due solemnity he added: we have to give all of them names and addresses. This is not a problem with cows that have owners, but what to do with the stray cattle who have no name or home? It was now the turn of the elders to jump into the fray and declare: we will do what we should have done long ago - set up a proper gaushala where all the stray cattle can be kept and the keeper can sign for their Aadhaar cards when they come.
As everybody began to think that all the loose ends had been tied up, one uncontrollable kid who refused to be cowed down blurted out: but how will we fingerprint the cows for the Aadhaar card? Everybody was stumped and the elders, who had done enough brain work for a day, got up to signal that the meeting was adjourned as, all knew, it was time for the cows to come home.
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