It’s that moment when columnists routinely produce their end-of-the-year picks to round off the festive season and avoid any dampeners to lower joyous spirits. Like children’s stockings brimming with good cheer on Christmas Day, these happy tidings arrive in desirable lists of the best books they’ve read, roundups of thrilling films they’ve seen, sports events they have witnessed, or even, in the case of food writers, the best meals they have eaten. In contrarian mood and satiric vein, however, here is my own humble offering of books and films that I would like to read and see in 2011.
The Reluctant Lobbyist
A well-written, succinct narrative, delivered as a dramatic monologue and printed in a generous type size, inspired by the panache and pace of Mohsin Hamid’s much-admired The Reluctant Fundamentalist (2007), is now being made into a movie by Mira Nair. Rather than having to plough through yards of telephone conversations on the Net or in print, why not have Niira Radia’s velvety tones in an affordable paperback? Concise and informative, chatty but allusive, her diverting dialogues would captivate book lovers, a small monument to ego-massaging, mediating and power-broking. Watching the twin towers being blown up on 9/11, Changez, the New York-based management consultant hero of Hamid’s novel, confesses: “Despicable as it may sound, my initial reaction was to be remarkably pleased.” Radia’s book could convey the same pleasure at bringing India “down on its knees” that Changez feels about 9/11.
Minimum Onion Cookbook
Are there chefs out there who really know their onions? Madhur Jaffrey, Sanjeev Kapoor, Ritu Dalmia and others of their ilk would have an instant best-seller if they produced recipes that economised on this high-priced vegetable. French onion soup or the Mughlai dish of mutton do piaza, with its extravagant double dose, will have to be replaced with cost-effective creations that minimise usage. An onion cookbook without tears is the need of the hour.
My Family and Other Animals
Borrowing the title of Gerald Durrell’s classic, first published in 1956 and never out of print since, any ingenious member of the Ambani or Tamil Nadu’s Karunanidhi clan could have a go at a racy, inter-generational family saga that spans the sub-continent with a large cast of characters, their complex relationships and feuds. Starting with a genealogical chart and ending with a comprehensive index and source notes, this commodious page-turner of empire-building dynasties should be a chronicle of high-voltage political drama that offers new insights into control of wealth and power. The network of rivalries and alliances should be no trouble to delineate but fresh psychological motivations are needed. Famous names, glamorous homes, lavish lifestyles and dazzling weddings will encourage a hungry readership to new levels of feeding frenzy.
Teen Khan
Inspired by Manmohan Desai’s 1977 superhit Amar Akbar Anthony, the new big-screen blockbuster should bring together Bollywood’s Big 3 (Shah Rukh, Salman and Aamir) in an epic drama, reinforcing the film industry’s favoured formula of lost-and-found brothers. Burying the hatchet would bring in untold profits by way of product endorsements, TV shows and music sales. The “Three K” team should be supported by Kareena Kapoor, Kajol and Katrina Kaif, making it a sixer to remember. Item numbers by Bipasha Basu and Malaika Arora at their raunchiest will calm the rowdies and keep the country singing all year.
The Scam Busters
Styled after Ocean’s Eleven, the 2001 crime comedy, starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon et al, here is Hollywood’s chance to ramp up Slumdog Millionare’s success in India and hit the jackpot at the Oscars. The simple plot line, of a group of likeable rogues uncovering a string of corruption scams, should be directed as a fast-paced action thriller with an ambiguous moral ending as to who the crooks really are. Think of the spinoffs: Julia Roberts will come back to India. The director will get sequel after sequel. And A R Rahman will wear the halo of musical genius again. Could there be a happier Christmas for all?
